Wow, this was really profound. I like this piece because I believe that it will definitely resonate with a lot of people. In life, over and over again, we question as to why some people get to move forward and be happy while others are bound to remain stagnate and sad. What did this one person do right that has granted this opportunity to explore and transcend and experience bliss? What did the other do wrong? Why is the other not permitted this chance as well? Did the other even *do* something wrong, or is it all just a consequence of unfortunate circumstances? Moreover, this piece also reveals the inevitable resentment and anger that the other person will hold towards the successor because – it is human nature. When we watch someone’s successes, we cannot help but compare, feeling envious of them as well as wondering why in the world we can’t obtain a similar reward or blessing. What has this ravishing individual done that makes them deserving of all this greatness and pleasure? Really, the structure and the language of this poem is so simple and so plain, but it is the simplicity and the plainness of it that makes it work – that makes it raw and strong and authentic. Seriously, I love every single line in this piece because each one is blunt and so in tune with the thoughts of unhappy human beings that it is actually quite heart-breaking. If there is anything that I would change about this piece – and really, this is just me being nit-picky – I would revise the last line to: “But I always stay.” The reason behind this revision is simply to maintain the consistency and repetition, for in the lines prior, you started the contrasting lines (in regards to the sorrowful narrator comparing him/herself to the successor) with the word “But.” In my opinion, I think that this amendment would help the fluency of the poem so that it flows even nicer off the tongue. Again, this is just a suggestion, and if you would prefer to keep “While,” I will not at all reprimand you! All in all, this was a sincere, heart-rending piece that highlights the melancholy perspective of deprived individuals, and forces the reader to feel utmost sympathy. Bravo, my friend!