Today I curse the things that make me happy. Waiting for you to walk in my room to ask, “why am i smiling”. Your daughter isn’t here and your world is crumbling. So I hide in the closet wishing it didn’t feel so wrong to love me. I fall asleep in shameful tears and dream of the woman i want to be. Full of life and light, strong and carefree. Giggling at the funny faces of my thoughts and day dreaming under trees. Singing with my little girl and dancing to every beat. Playing pretend and running through the leaves. Allow for sillyness and explore curiosities. Surely its ok to paint and be this happy. If not, how would i ever get to really know me?!
Happy belated birthday