Today is the first day I went on my ex-boyfriend’s profile on Facebook in months. You see, we had a really bad break up. It was the first week of the new school year, and we had no classes together, nothing even near each other. So I never saw him. But a lot of people knew that we were going out, how they knew I still don’t know. But all these girls would come up to me and say, “Hayden, your boyfriend’s walking some other girl to lunch everyday. Just thought you should know.” Or they’d ask, “Are you still dating that guy?” And I’d be like, “Yeah. Of course.” Then they’d answer, “Oh. Well, you might want to talk to him…”
So one day I met him at his locker after school while he was getting his stuff for track practice. I asked what he was doing walking another girl around all day, and he claimed they were just friends.
“That’s not what everyone’s telling me,” I answered.
“Well, everyone doesn’t know what they’re talking about,” he argued. I didn’t believe him one bit though, and I don’t know why. I mean, we’ve been together for over eleven months, and I was pretty sure he was faithful this far. But there was always a part of me that didn’t want to let him out of my sight, but I thought it was because it was my first relationship and I was just being overly paranoid. I kept persisting though, and all he did was try to make excuses to get away. Eventually I think I cracked him because he slammed his locker shut and threw his bag over his shoulder.
“You’re so desperate to hear the truth?” He growled. “Fine. I like Misty Mason, and I told her, and we hooked up. I was planning on breaking up with you next week. Are you happy?”
I couldn’t move, let alone speak. I was shocked into silence. I knew something was up, but I didn’t think he’d cheat on me the very first chance he got. I stood there gaping at him like an idiot with my mouth wide open and my eyes cold. He shook his head.
“Yeah. We’re done.” Then he just walked away. Off to track practice. Just like that! I stared after him as he sauntered down the hall out of sight, without even looking back. The asshole.
Anyway, after that I was destroyed. We were together way too long for a first relationship, and I depended on him way too much. But eventually my desperation turned to want. And my want turned to confusion. My confusion turned to sadness, and that turned to hate. God, I hated him for the longest time. And it was the deepest kind of hate. I couldn’t even hear his name without cringing. It was times when I was at my lowest that I was thankful I never saw him. Because I still don’t know if I would have knocked him down the stairs or bursted out crying.
For weeks after we broke up there was a part of me that sitll wanted him back and thought that he would. Come back that is. But as I stared at my phone day after day waiting for a phone call or even a text, I began to accept that we were, in fact, done. After that, I stopped thinking about him so much. I didn’t torture myself with memories of us anymore, and I spent that time working on school work.
A few weeks after that, I didn’t hate him quite so much. I could talk about him, but only to insult him. And everyone around me knew to do the same. It felt good to talk about him, to get all my angry thoughts out of my head. They’ve been building up inside me for so long, I’m surprised I didn’t explode. Then people got tired of hearing about him, and honestly, I got tired of talking about him. So I moved on. I found a guy in my math class who I thought was pretty cute, and we started talking. I was happy for a little bit, and Alex barely crossed my mind.
Then one day, I heard he had a new girlfriend. She was gorgeous, naturally. It wasn’t the same girl he hooked up with all those months ago, but it still felt like twenty daggers through my heart. No, I thought. No no no. I don’t know why I cared so much. I knew I was over him, I didn’t like him anymore. But I didn’t want him to be happy. I wanted him to have a miserable time in high school, and I wanted him to be a friendless loser. But of course that didn’t happen, I just had to deal with it.
Mark, that guy in my math class, asked me out about a month later. He was wonderful. Funny, smart, cute- all those clichés. We spent a lot of time together, and when I wasn’t with him, I didn’t think twice about him doing something to hurt me. I trusted him completely. I don’t know what made me do it, but today after Mark left my house, I went on Facebook and saw Alex pop up on my newsfeed. He was talking to his girlfriend, and they seemed to be fighting. So for the first time since we broke up, I clicked on his profile and I scrolled down his wall.
There were tons of posts from guys and girls alike. Plans to hang out, downloads of some bands I never heard of, tagged photos. And as I looked at everything, I realized that I didn’t care. I wasn’t angry that he was so happy, and I wasn’t upset. It just didn’t seem to matter anymore. He had his life and I had mine, why can’t we both be happy? I reread the newest post left on his wall.
Misty: Are we still best friends?
Alex: Totally ♥
But that’s okay. Because I have a new best friend now, too.
Realistic Fiction
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