Dave and Jon Jon
are hanging out in that mysterious white room of theirs with a square table for two. They are playing cards as usual.
And getting stoned as usual
passing the Dutch
back
and
forth
to each other.
Thanks to the NRA.
For the free herb.
Because when they went to meet their dealer behind a certain abandoned building. Well his car was parked but running and so they figured everything’s cool. But when they came to the car window they saw that the dealer was shot dead. Somebody robbed him! And because Dave and Jon Jon are veterans of the streets they knew what to do, quick! They put on their favorite tool, a simple rubber gloves. Quickly searched the dead man’s possesions, if he had any left. But behold! At least the killer left them a dime bag at least. And it was LOUD! And most of all, FREE! And they got out of there real quick before anyone else came by!
Anyway back to the scene of the mysterious white room. They are arguing again, sort of, or it’s just the way they talk to one another……
“I’m telling you Jonny Boy it’s the truth, mon! Long time ago when I was a kid I worked over there in the north. It’s a cold place but me get sum hot pussay! Me no lie mon. No no mon….”
“Dave shut the fuck up! And your fake ass Jamaican accent! What you telling me is some bullshit, yeah right mutha fucka!”
Although Jon Jon’s acting as if he don’t believe in Dave’s story. However, his little dick became hard. Aroused by the conversation plus the LOUD weed Jon Jon began believing in Dave’s strange story.
“Look here Jonny Boy, we gonna fucking ride that truck you stole while back. And we gonna keep driving North. Because there’s that mutha fucking place I was telling you about. We gonna get the very best punani ever, for free mon!”
Now his dick’s throbbing with urgency! All that talk about getting some hot pussy. And especially a free pussy at that, oh hell yeah! Jonny Boy agreed with Dave for once just because he wasn’t in control of hisself.
So they left their mysterious room and headed for Jon Jon’s illegally owned truck. Thanks to this illegal Mexican dude who is an excellent legitimate license plate provider. So Jon Jon can drive safe without the fear of being pulled over by the Popols. It’s what makes this FREE COUNTRY great! Legal or illegal. Everyone has an equal opportunity to make money. God bless America!
Now they’re in his truck driving towards the highway. Good thing his truck’s gas tank is full. Thanks to his next door neighbor’s cars. All four of them Jon Jon syphon from their tanks using a long hose. By sucking on it to jump start the laws of gravity to make the gas flow. Of course the only bad thing about that is Jon Jon has to tastes gas. O well just gotta spit it out good.
Now they are on the highway……
All of a sudden Jon Jon had a brain storm of an average person and not an average genius because he isn’t. Although he thinks he’s very smart. A smart ass perhaps…..
“Hey, wait the fuck a minute! Did you say the North Pole, mofo?”
“Yeah yeah mon! It’s a place for nuns. But these nuns are mo horny than the ones on Eastern Ave, Jonny Boy! But these ho’s for fre….”
Jon Jon suddenly pulled over on the side of the road and instantly braked. Causing Dave’s head to snap forward. And making his chin hammer into his chest. And then snapping his head back again. Smashing the back of his head very violently into the headrest of the seat. Dave saw stars and learned his lesson in Physics caused by Jonny Boy being embarrassed at his own self for believing in this fucking idiot! Just because his dick was hard talking about some FREE PUSSY! NO SUCH THING! Now thinking with his big head instead of his tiny uncircumcised hoodie thinking for him. Because now he remembered the special issue of this National Geographics magazine his daddy once owned. Around the time he left mommy for his favorite prostitute. It was camouflaging the stack of Hustler magazines by simply laying on top of it or as the first mag on the stack. The cover had penguins on it. He would read it sometimes after he’d jerked off to one of his dad’s Hustler mags. That’s how he learned about penguins and not at school. So Dave fucked a penguin as far as he’s concerned because he’s an expert on penguins!
“Uh Dave, I just figured out just what the fuck it is you talking about, penguins. Yup Dave. Mutha fucking… penguins! That’s what you fucked you dumb mutha fucka, penguins!”
“Huh Jonny Boy, no mon, no no mon….”
“Shut the fuck up Dave, you crazy dumb mutha fucka! Nuns wear black and white and you’re a one blind mutha fucka with thick ass glasses. You don’t think you got confused? So tell me how good was the pussy fucking a penguin? You sick old blind mutha fucka!”
“….well uh, now since you said about how they’re dressed like a nun, I think there were tiny feathers….”
“I fucking knew it, I was right! You know what Dave? Fuck you and your penguin pussy!”
And then Jonny Boy took off all of a sudden giving Dave another lesson in Physics even though he’s wearing a seat belt.
“Hey Jonny Boy, what’s the hurry? Slow down mofo! I don’t want to be pulled over or get fucking killed in accident, come on mon!”
“All right pussyclot Dave!” said Jon Jon after he realized he’s going too fast. It’s all Dave’s fault for making him risk a ticket. Never know if these mutha fucking Staties are around. Better slow down some thought Jon Jon calming down and getting a grip on himself.
“All right Dave. Fuck driving North or whatever the fuck it’s at. Nah. But what we are gonna do is this. We’re going to go get some free weed. That’s right, Dave. There’s plenty of weed growing around in these woods near my cousin’s farm ’cause he told me about it last month. Told me come down anytime and we could go raid someone’s secret plot in the woods near his farm. So we going to detour off this exit soon coming up. Oh there it is!”
Jon Jon’s truck got off the highway. And headed into supposedly his cousin’s town. It was mostly dirt road eventually leading into the wooded area. And after awhile they were lost in a forest of some kind. Jon Jon couldn’t figure out what happened but somehow they are lost inside a vast forest. At least there is some kind of a dirt path for a vehicle to drive through it. And around ten minutes later suddenly they are out of the forest and in a farming area….. and then they saw a farm house.
So they went there and knocked on the door tired and hungry from driving for awhile. Plus the weed giving them the terrible case of the munchies………
The door opened and an old friendly looking man said,”You men must be lost I can tell. But right now don’t worry about that because I’m having me a supper with my only child, Renee. She’s setting up the table because the supper is ready. Chicken dumplings with cabbage and sweet potato pie. So why don’t you gentlemen come on in and join us for dinner. And then afterwards I can show you how to get to the nearest town.”
……… mmmmmm!
“Oh thank you saw!” joyously exclaimed both Dave and Jonny Boy like an ass kissing siamese parrot with conjoined heads sharing one deformed brain.
When they came into the dining room Dave and Jonny Boy couldn’t believe how beautiful the daughter is. They looked at each other with an understanding nods. Maybe we can get some free pussay!
The girl named Renee looked about nineteen years old. And very voluptuous indeed! Why her titties are just like Dolly Parton’s watermelons! And then the girl’s ass is thick as Serena Williams! But her face is white and blonde like …..Marilyn Monroe! And she even looks like her reincarnated! What the Fuck? !
Dave and Jon Jon although hungry as a horse took their time eating. Because the girl kept on smiling at them and those lovely eyes……
“So gentlemen, may I ask how you guys ended up getting lost? Where were you headed to?”
The old man broke their reverie of sleeping with the girl……
“Huh? …Oh yes saw. Uh umm, yeah. We were looking for my cousin’s farm but ended up getting lost, saw.”
“And whom may I ask is your cousin?”
“His name’s McDonald. Ronald McDonald, saw.”
“Hmmm. I do believe they live farther to the North. I’m afraid you two are very far away from MickyDee clan. However I am willing to take you guys there tomorrow. Because today I’ll be very busy setting up something special for my rich friends…….”
And those were the last words Dave and Jonny Boy heard before they both blacked the fuck out…….
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Upstairs in their two-storied house and comfortably inside their bedroom the father and his daughter are having sex. Oral sex that is. The daughter is on her knees looking up at her daddy while busy sucking on his lollipop.
“You did it again, my sweet girl! Job well done, excellent my dear!” said the old man to his lovely daughter.
The daughter stops sucking on the hard candy for a moment to conversate with her daddy.
“Thank you Daddy! But you knew I could do it! So can we start our new business right now?”
“Of course my dear! I’m just as excited as you are! This is the most exciting thing we’ve ever done since MY WIFE passed away! May god bless her soul! HA HA HA HA !!!!” said the crazy old man.
“HA HA HA HA HA!!! This is fun! I love playing roles to FOOL EVERYONE! Including the reader! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!” said the mysterious woman.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Somewhere in the farmhouse…….
Dave and Jon Jon woke up naked in the middle of the night.
Nope.
It’s just very very dark.
They are inside some place. Not outside. And they are bonded to a chair. It’s duct tape. They can feel that their arms are tied behind the back of the chair. And they can also feel that their ankles are taped tightly around to the front legs. And now the pins and needles are stabbing them from lack of circulation. And if there is any consolation, at least they can tell that they are closely side by side. Because they can whisper and clearly hear each other………
“Hey Dave, you okay buddy? I think we’ve been drugged!”
“Yeah mon. I’m alright. Where the hell are we, Jonny Boy?”
“I don’t know. But I don’t like it. It’s so dark in here I can’t see shit. Dammit, this is fucked up! How did we even get into this fucking mess. I’m mean what the fuck’s going on? And where’s my clothes at?”
“Hell I don’t know what’s going on mon. But me better see some daylight soon or else I’m going to bug the fuck out and start screaming….”
“…screaming like a bitch, fuck that shit Dave……. shhhhhh. Be quiet, I think I hear something. Shhhhhh.”
There is a muffled noise reverberating from the dark. The sound, well sounds familiar like someone is trying to supress a ……..
“Wait a minute Dave, it sounds like somebody’s laughing. That’s what it sounds like…..”
And then all of a sudden Dave and Jon Jon are blinded by the lights as if they are deers caught in the high beams just before they are run over by the monster truck……
But within a moment later their eyes slowly adjusted to the lights. It seemed too bright at first because their eyes needed time to adjust for being in the dark for so long. And now that they can see clearly what the fuck’s going on. Well Dave and Jon Jon are completely surprised by the turn of events all of a sudden. And also feeling very embarrassed because of their nakedness.
They are on a stage of some kind with a dancing pole in the middle. Something like the size of a small nightclub for the stand up comics to do their jokes on. Except they are the butt of the joke. Because they can see the audience sitting at the tables laughing at them. Three tables, two people per table. And still they are laughing at them. The two couples seated at their tables are all pointing at their little dicks. And of course they recognize the old man and his daughter, Renee sitting in the middle table. Also laughing at their little wieners. So those others must be their friends….. or maybe family? Who the fuck knows? Certainly not Dave nor Jon Jon because…………
“What the fuck oldman?! What’s up with all this shit…”
“Yeah mon, what the hell going on, mon? Me no understand, what’s up m…..”
The oldman immediately got off his chair and ran up onto the stage and stood in front of Dave and Jon Jon in two seconds. “Shut the fuck up, you bitches!” yelled the oldman. And then began slapping their faces very hard. Making their faces turn red and throbbing with pain plus the tears falling down their eyes and also buggers running down their noses. He’s stronger than he looks, goddam old fucker! Damn that hurts!
Dave and Jon Jon both became silent as a statue after that.
The oldman pulled out a Rambo knife with an attitude, “Say anything and I’ll cut your mother fucking throats out! So don’t FUCK WITH ME! YOU FUCKING CUNTS!!”
It was so shocking. The sight of this crazy old mofo’s face contorted. Like straining hard baring his teeth as if constipated……
So Dave and Jon Jon obeyed like cunts by remaining silent and unmoving as Rodin’s masterpiece. Except they couldn’t rest their heads on their bent arms. But more like a Medusa’s victims. Just staring….. at the crazy old fucker…….
The old man walked back and forth and waving his knife close to Dave and Jon Jon’s faces and said this…..
“Now I’m going to be kind enough to explain, just what the fuck’s going on? As you gentlemen are asking me. Simply it’s this. You two are nothing but an entertainment for my four rich friends here. They’ve paid me and my daughter very well to entertain them. Because you see, they’ve a particularly most unusual taste for an entertainment. They get their pleasure seeing two men tied to a pole and getting fucked in the ass by my pet DONKEY WITH A MONSTER COCK!! Haha haha haha! ! “
“HAHAHA HAHAHAHA!!!!!” Everyone laughed.
Except for Dave and Jon Jon looking at each other with their eye balls wide open taken by surprise
“HUH?….”
Immediately the old man duct taped both Dave and Jon Jon’s mouths up. And viciously ripped off the powerful duct tape from their wrists and ankles. Causing muffled screams from Dave and Jon Jon. And then put them to the pole. The crazy old fucker immediately began taping their ankles to the pole while they’re standing and facing each other.
“Now you two pussies touch your toes, now! Or I’ll stab you with my knife, hurry up!!”
Immediately Dave and Jon Jon touched their toes and right away the old fucker taped their wrists to the pole. Making them look like two dogs sniffing each other’s asses. Each flanking the side of the poles, leaning on it for support with their butt sticking out.
So now they’re forced to bend over and take it doogy style up their poopshoot! OH NO!!!
Now the audience is hollering for some action like the ancient Romans enjoying themselves spending a day at the Colosseum! They want to see blood flowing! They can’t wait to get off on watching these two clowns getting fucked in the ass by that special unique donkey that will rip them apart! How entertaining!
Jon Jon’s left side is exposed to the audience, so they can only see Dave’s ass next to Jon Jon’s head. And of course his head’s exposed next to Jon Jon’s ass because he’s taller.
Suddenly Dave and Jon Jon noticed the audience turning their heads towards the entrance door. Something came in…… They couldn’t believe their own fucking eyeballs! Very strange looking creature indeed! It was truly a donkey and yet it stood upright like humans and it also sported a monster cock! And it’s hard and pointing right at them like a battering ram! And its walking towards them…..
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Dave and Jon Jon both began jerking violently on the pole as if trying to free themselves from this monstrosity! But of course it’s futile because they’re not going anywhere taped up like that. And the muffled screams behind the duct tapes covering their foul mouths could not be heard. Just because some sick rich fuckers needing to entertain themselve at the expense of these two pathetic poor creatures named Dave and Jon Jon. The world is terribly filled with surprises indeed!
The donkey creature came up behind Jon Jon only because it walked up on the right side of the stage first. Besides the much younger man has a nicer tighter looking ass thought the horny creature. It thinks it’s a Rhino. Anyway now the donkey has the tip of the head of its dick touching the rim of Jon Jon’s tight virgin anus and getting ready to pulverize…..
Instinctively Jon Jon began squeezing his asshole muscles together to keep it shut tight. And also screaming in absolute fucking terror! But of course no one can hear him screaming for help. And out of sheer desperation, all of a sudden inside Jon Jon’s atheistic mind he prayed to the god he didn’t believe it exist. Please help me dear lord almighty, please help me if you exist, fuck it, you do exist, so help me goddammit, help!!!
And at the same time Dave whose face is right next to Jon Jon’s tiny flat ass is praying also. Because he’ll be damned if this crazy donkey with a monster dick is going inside his ass, fuck that shit! That’s why he’s praying so hard and earnestly from the bottom of his heart and soul, PLEASE HAVE MERCY DEAR LORD AND GOD BLESS YOU!!!
BAAAAAANNNNNG!!!!!!!!!!
And all of a sudden god did answer both Dave and Jon Jon’s prayers. Because Jon Jon can feel the splatter of blood and pieces of the donkey’s skull on his back. And Dave looked like someone threw ripe tomato on his face when they heard the gun shot……
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Six more shots fired. Both Dave and Jon Jon counted how many shots they heard….
Complete silence.
Very very quiet in here……
Because Dave and Jon Jon both passed out from being so frightened and so traumatized to the point their bodies simply gave out on them.
Few hours later……..
They woke up lying down on the floor in their secret room. And slowly got up and sat down on the seats. Well someone knows this mutha fucking place besides Dave and Jon Jon. No more secrets….. what the fuck’s going on? Dave and Jon Jon looking confused looked at each other without voicing concern…..
Suddenly the door opened…..
“Hello boys. It’s me, Mrs. Wilbur.”
The boys looked at her in disbelief. Especially Jon Jon who knows this lady. Unlike Dave who’s unfamiliar to this old lady with a heavy make up on her pruney pretty face. Huh, do I know her? Dave’s thinking because he thinks he knows everybody. But Jon Jon definitely knows this lady because ….. she done sucked his dick awhile back not too long ago. He knew she was up to some shit……
“So what’s up Mrs. Wilbur? Mind telling us exactly what the fuck’s going on? Because if you don’t tell me what’s up with all this crazy….”
Mrs. Wilbur pulled out a very small but very powerful looking gun all of a sudden out of her purse and aimed it at Jon Jon.
“Just shut the fuck up y’all punk ass mother fockers! Or I will fucking kill you two, alright!”
Immediately without any further protest bitch asses Dave and Jon Jon began impersonating Medusa’s victims by looking at her with very wide frozen eyeballs of fear looking into the possibilities of death at any moment. Please god save me again said Jon Jon in his head….
As if reading his mind Mrs. Wilbur calmly said,”Look son, I’m not going to kill you, alrighty. But I want you to be very quiet while I explain to you and your friend here what’s going on, okay.”
Dave and Jon Jon simply nodded their heads like a silent synchronized siamese sycophants. No problems, Ma’am.
“I saved you two and brought you here. It was a coincidence that you two happened to be their victims. The oldman happened to be my now ex-husband, or deceased. That no good son of a bitch ran off with one of my girls! ….. well anyways, I was there to do what I did when I found out where he was hiding. And that’s basically all that I’m going to tell you boys. Now I need your truck, Jonny Boy…. in fact, that’s how I brought y’all here, in your truck. So now that I’ve told you what was up, I’m audi !”
And then she turned around and quickly walked out the door.
Dave and Jon Jon looked at each other stupidly……
“Dave, fuck it, that truck’s getting old anyway. Fuck it, I’m happy to be alive, buddy….”
“….Yeah mon, me too Jonny Boy…… phew, I thought I was a dead mofo…”
“…yeah I know whatcha mean….. well Dave, I’ve had enough bullshit for the day. I think I’m just going to head to my momma’s house. Later Dave.”
And Jonny Boy got off the seat and went out the door.
Now Dave sat there for few more seconds before deciding to head out the door also.
When he was outside he began walking towards Tiny Tim’s Mama’s house.
Yup. It’s time to suck some old pussay!
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
ONE IDIOT
Another misadventures of Dave and Jon Jon …… well okay ….umm … the title says only one ……
Somewhere in the sylvan Northeast…….
……..Jon Jon is lost walking around aimlessly in the woods looking for weed. He had no idea it was this big. And full of bugs. Especially the pesky mosquitoes. Now he wished he hadn’t wore the white tank top and his homemade cutoff jean shorts above the knees. But then again, on second thought, it’s muggy as hell. And he is sweating his ass off. But there’s another slight problem, albeit, only a mental one messing with his head like buzzing flies. Maybe because he’s lost, and perhaps the reason for his flashback. The memory of that strange day came flooding back in his head drowning his composure. That day earlier in the Summer when Dave and Jon Jon were lost heading towards his cousin’s farm to raid someone else’s weed growing out there in those woods and then somehow ended up running into that farmhouse of horror! Good God. Jon Jon’s thinking to himself. Ever since that day when he prayed to God and just like that he was miraculously saved right there and then from some serious ‘ass whooping.’ Well, he became a firm believer in the power of the prayer. It only works when one is in serious life threatening situation, so it’s reserved for the most dire emergency only. So yeah, he believes in God. But not the Bible. Just some god. His own GOD. His DOG. And thinking of dogs, he wished he had one right now. A dog wouldn’t have any problems getting back to civilization…..
Looking at his cheap stolen watch it’s been over two hours now! And now he’s very very hungry and thirstier than two horses and a mule…… a mule?! Jon Jon didn’t want to think about that. Ever since that crazy day Jon Jon developed a homo phobia for donkies.
How the hell he get himself lost again? It was supposed to be only around thirty minutes or so looking for the supposed rumor about the secret plot of weed around the Black Hill he overheard Billy and his boys talking about at the bar when Jon Jon was looking for his herbman. He thought he heard them plain and clear. Around the Black Hill. Simple enough because the hill isn’t that big. And so he thought he’d just investigate quick. But boy, did it turn out to be a fucking nightmare! He didn’t bring anything except for a bottle of water. Should have brought some snacks like some beef jerky. And now the bottle is empty and so is his protesting stomach growling with hunger plus he’s sweating profusely…
He threw the bottle into the air out of frustration.
It flew past the top of the pine tree and disappeared.
Goddamn it!
Ooops, he meant, dam mit.
Good thing he didn’t have any weed on him or he would be more hungrier and thirstier than two horses and a mu….. uh nevamind… But why did he have to go on a wild hunt for some rumored weed growing around Black Hill all by his self? Jon Jon is thinking to his foolish self. Oh yeah, that’s right! That’s because his usual partner in crime, Dave. Well, Dave’s in jail! That fucking idiot he finally got caught. He was caught stealing tampons at Walmart! Unlike other crackheads who steal…. well not that Dave is a crackhead or maybe he’s beaming again but ….. anyway. Dave always said he prefer stealing tampons over typical needy stuff like good tooth paste, perfumes, diapers, baby formulas, Tide pods, Tylenols and Advils. Just because his family got too many female cousins on his late mama’s side who’re always acting like they need to plug their bleeding nagging holes. So he has a good customer base from his own family who really don’t want nothing to do with him….. well they got their wish alright because Dave’s locked up for two months, fucking idiot!
Jon Jon’s thinking all these thoughts while blindly walking in any direction he thinks is the way out of the woods towards the parked bicycle. Yes, he almost forgot about that. He keeps thinking of his former truck he used to have until that crazy old lady Mrs. Wilbur robbed him of it. Well the bike isn’t exactly an up-grade, but it’ll do. Thanks to the stranger who left it there unchained for him to take it, thanks! And what? He rode it to the bar, Big Bro’s. That’s where he heard about the weed. And his herbman wasn’t hanging around, so out of whim, he quickly went home and just wore his shorts and grabbed a bottle of water and now he’s lost…..
And another thought, speaking of Mrs. Wilbur …. she did save him? … or was it God? Doesn’t matter he guessed because he’s alive right now….. well the situation at the moment isn’t good. Hell no. But at least Jon Jon’s asset is his brain. Although only few cells left in the grey matter, it still works because it thinks….. come on think, mutha fucka! THINK, think, think……..
Because he is a philosopher after all and his hand is unconsciously reaching for his cheap stolen cell phone in his pock…..
….oh no!
Now he wished he never left the phone in his mother’s house……
And it took him all this time to finally figure out that there are such things as cell phones to carry just in case of an emergency, duh! Jon Jon’s mad at himself, fucking idiot…..
Now what?
Well now is the time to do some hardcore praying….
So Jonny Boy got on his knees, ouch!
It was a sharp stone on the ground. He moved to a grassy patch and kneeled. He looked up to the heavens and said, “Please GOD help me. I really need, man…I meant, awesome dude! What’s up? Can you help me find my way back to my bike? And please can you hurry up? Cause like I’m in serious trouble here. Yo know I’m hungery, thirsty and tired, so like …..hurry up! AMEN!”
That’s all he can do as far as prayers are concerned. It should work quick. After all didn’t he get a quick service the last time? Like in an instant, right?
Well come on God
where’s your voice or something, dude?
come on
god
dammit!
I’m still waiting…..
Well fuck you god!
Now he’s on his own. And the only thing he could do is to continue walking this path and hopefully it will lead him back to the bike…..
And so on and on and on he went again……
Going straight.
Going left.
Going right.
Going diagonal.
Going zigzag.
Going in circles.
Going back…..
After another hour of futility of his cramping legs and burning up many more calories he didn’t eat……
Jon Jon is near total collapse because it’s been, what? Another half an hour already went by…..
SO so so soooooo tired…..
So he sits down his cramping legs next to a tree with his sore back leaning against it…..
And trying to think because he is a philosopher after all and he’ll figure it out…..
Instantly he fell asleep…..
…..Suddenly he woke up!
He opened his eyes and he saw …… a Big Foot?
The big hairy man woke up Jon Jon by knocking him in the noggin with his big metacarpals. And smiling with his dirty yellow teeth leaning his big ugly face forward close to Jon Jon’s face…. Jon Jon can smell his foul breath…..
“How are you stranger? You must be new in town around here. This town called the Wood has a population, one. And that’s me. And I’ve been so lonely for some contact. Any kind of a contact, even a Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Like can I touch you down there?”
What the fuck? Jon Jon’s thinking. This Big Foot is a fa……..
it!
Instantly Jon Jon broke into a run. Fuck that shit! Big foot means big dick! No fucking way! Not again, not another crazy beast with another battering ram wanting to excercise its equipment on his poor, thank god, still virgin anus….
Suddenly Jon Jon fell forwards on his face tripping on a fallen branch as he was trying to get away from the Big Hairy Man…….
Incredibly Jon Jon can’t breathe because he woke up with his head submerged in water. Quickly gasping for air his body’s reflex made him do a push up. He’s at the edge of the river. Only his head was submerged while his body was laying on its stomach on the shore.
Why I must have fallen asleep thought Jon Jon. And what a crazy dream! It seemed so real….
I must’ve been running then…. sleep walking? Or is it sleep running?
Either way somehow Jon Jon finds himself at the lake. Nope, it’s a river. Cuntnottikutt River, that’s it! Now Jon Jon remembered. It’s the only major body of water around here. Other than local big ponds here and there. He might as well quench his thirst right now….. before going back to sleep….
Jonny Boy cupped his hands and got drunk on water ….his stomach felt full….
Again Jon Jon quickly fell alseep leaning against one of the bigger rocks on the shore…….
Suddenly Jon Jon is face to face with the Big Foot/Big Dick again!
“Hello buddy! I was waiting patiently for you to fall asleep again, my friend! Come here, boy, give me a big kiss and a big hug, I’m your dadd….”
Again Jon Jon took off like a mutha fucking gazelle paranoid as hell getting chased by a coke sniffing cheetah….. and again another fallen branch tripped him ……
SMACK! ! …..
Jon Jon’s head ran into an Oak tree at the edge of the woods…..
…..and Jon Jon is knocked the fuck out with his head cracked and bleeding…………………………………….
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Suddenly Jon Jon opens his eyes. He can see some small stalactites hanging on the ceiling of the……
Cave!
He’s lying down on his back close to the mouth or the opening of the cave. He tries to get up but his big bald head is throbbing with pain, so he lays back down again. It seems to be better laying down. Feeling better. He touched the forehead…. stitches? What the fuck? How long have I been here? Slowly he turns his head to the right side looking into the woods. Nothing to see except for same old trees and bushes and it’s getting dark out there anyways. So Jon Jon turned his head around to the left and noticed the campfire. He props himself very slowly, making sure not to aggravate his hurting head while properly getting into a lotus sitting position and stared at it for few seconds. And slowly began looking around just sitting there near the entrance as if he’s meditating with his eyes open. Looking around like an owl the cave seems to be a perfect dome like being inside a giant igloo. Around thirty feet in diameter, maybe? And the campfire seems to be set in the middle of the cave illuminating the interior and providing warmth. Looking up at the ceiling directly above the fire Jon Jon realizes there’s a hole for the smoke to escape….
“Is this another dream?” Jon Jon asked the cave loudly as his voice is amplified by the cavern’s natural bullhorn acoustics….
“No it is not my poor dear. And yes, I’ve sewn your head.”
Jon Jon quickly got up despite his protesting throbbing head and saw past the campfire….
Nothing.
There doesn’t seem to be another opening in the cave except for the mouth….
Suddenly a hand grabbed his right shoulders from behind…..
Jonny Boy turned around quick and….. couldn’t fucking believe it!
Why she’s so beautiful……
She looks familiar….. no way!
Loana or Raquel Welch from One Million Years B.C. in her prehistoric animal skin bikini and she’s also standing so close to his face…..
She’s so beautiful in person…..
Jon Jon had to pinch him self in the arm to see if he’s still dreaming even though he can feel his head throbbing in pain ever since he woke up with it….
“No need to pinch yourself awake, sweetie. You are awake. And I’m real, honey. Go ahead you can touch me if you’d like.” said the goddess…..
So Jon Jon did what she told him to do. Besides he couldn’t stop himself anyway even if he wanted to stop because now he’s being squeezed in a vice grip of his lustful cravings. Just because she said he could touch her. So naturally being a mama’s boy, he reached for her breast gently at first, but began fondling it much more aggressively…..
Suddenly he ripped her bras off and then immediately began sucking her lovely hard left nipple….
She slapped him in the face, not too hard. But it was enough. Especially the painful forehead getting rocked in the process.
“Ouch!” cried Jon Jon becoming himself again. And feeling embarrassed somewhat, but not really…..
“I’m so sorry, miss! Please forgive me for I didn’t know what I was doing… well I mean, I don’t know what came over me….”
“Shhh. It’s okay sweetie, I understand. I’ve been told I have that kind of an effect on men…”
….GROWL!!!
Loana is startled and backs away from Jon Jon…
“Oh, I’m sorry miss, it’s my stomach rumbling because I’m so fucking hungry…. maybe I did what I did, maybe because I was thinking of food … so I had to put something in my mouth…uh, you understand, right…?”
“Oh honey, you should of told me how hungry you were. Okay I’ll fix you something quick to eat. You just wait here honey, I’ll be right back.”
And quickly she sprinted out of the cave and disappeared into the woods.
Jon Jon felt relieved despite his hunger and throbbing head because she left for a minute. Which gave him little bit of time to better absorb all these crazy episodes happening as of late. Looking around the cave and seeing a small wooden bench situated at the opposite side of the opening he walked over there. When he got there he saw what he couldn’t see from the distance. It was a crude sketch or a drawing of some strange looking snake done in charcoal now faded. It’s roughly around four feet by four feet on the wall next to the bench…. ‘very strange’ Jon Jon’s thinking…. it looks sort of like a bullet riddled snake posed in a question mark without the dot on the bottom of the wall near the floor’s uneven surface…… ‘whatever’ Jon Jon lost interest …..
He grabbed the tiny bench and sat down on it near the fire and stared past the flames in deep thought thinking to himself….
….What the fuck’s going on? All this crazy shit happening lately. Like these dreams I’m having with that Big Foot faggit mutha fucka trying to rape me and now that I’m awake I find myself in some prehistoric cave with this beautiful prehistoric chi….. oh shit! Are there Dinosaurs around….?
“Hey sweetie! I got you something to eat!”
Okay, that was quick…. suddenly smelling the food Jonny Boy’s hunger came back in an avalanche of growling stomach acid and enzymes from the pancreas to remind him of his bodily duties such as feeding oneself for the preservation of itself…..
Like a hungry predator Jon Jon snatched the food from Loana and ferociously wolfed down everything into his mouth in just four quick bites….. burp!
Now satiated Jon Jon sluggishly walked toward the wall near the mouth and sat on the floor and leaned his back against the wall.
Man, that was good food. He looked up at lovely Loana who is now seating on the little wooden bench next to the fire. And then he looked at the ground where he was eating and realized there’s a McDonald’s brown paper bag…… that’s right! Because he was so hungry he did not even think about it….. yes he did eat a Quarter Pounder with fries and also had a soda…..
“Hey can I talk to you, miss? You think you can come here and sit down next to me?”
Loana came over and sat down next to Jon Jon who is closer to the mouth of the cave. And they both remained silent and unconsciously stared towards the campfire for few seconds until…..
“Okay, I would really love some answers. Especially now that I’m thinking much clearer with a full stomach on and I also want to ask you…. ummm…..ummm….”
Jonny Boy suddenly couldn’t care less about what’s really going on. Instead of answers, now his other little head’s doing the thinking. In fact, his lust has taken over his brain ever since MickyDees invaded his stomach in lieu of his logic. Fuck the logic! Now he just wants to fuck! Now that he had dinner, and yet not quite satisfied for he still needs to have his dessert, godammit!
“I would like to ask you, how did you get fresh hot MickyDee’s so quick? But really, I don’t care about that, not now. Not with you sitting next to me now. So I would like to touch you again just so that l know all this is real and I’m not going crazy or something like th…..”
Loana leaned her face into Jonny Boy’s big bald head and kissed him on the lips softly….
MMMM…. her breath is sweet like she just brushed her teeth……
They opened their mouths…..
Jonny Boy began playing her tongue with his. But something isn’t quite right…. her tongue felt kind of funny. It seemed too long and bumpy…..?
Suddenly she stops kissing, took his right hand and guides it to her bosom …..
He takes her bras off , again …… this time she let’s him suck on her hard nipples for awhile…… and then his head went sliding down between her legs…..
“….No….. Stop please….. I need to freshen up a little bit more, sweetie. I’m sorry I don’t feel comfortable you doing that to me. Not yet. But I tell you what…. can I taste you?”
Jonny Boy couldn’t believe what he heard….. he isn’t going to complain about that….. ” Oh sure….”
Jonny Boy quickly took off his home made jean shorts and his brand new boxer he stole while washing at a laundromat…..
“And one more thing. Can you close your eyes please…. I’m shy about being watched while I’m doing it. So please close your eyes, sweetie……” Looking at Jon Jon with those pleading pretty eyes as she’s taking his hard needle dick into her enamel northern cavity…..
Jon Jon closed his un-curious piggy eyes because there isn’t any need for sight, only the feel, the sensation……
“MMMM… oh okay baby….. I won’t look at all…. oh yeah ….taste it, baby…….oh ….Oh Yeah………o oooOOOAAAAHHH….YEAH….!”
All of a sudden she stops….
She takes off her bikini bottom and lays on her back on the floor spreading her legs apart….
On his knees he grabs her spread legs…..
Now they’re laying on the floor …..
“Now you can put it in my pussy since you’re so hard, come on sweetie, give it to me! Here I’ll help you guided in…… awww yeah…”
Now they fucking…..
Jon Jon’s tiny flat ass is pounding away with all the ferocity of not being able to get laid in a long while, what? The last time he had any sex was when Mrs. Wilbur blew him for money that he stole from the passed out homeless guy….. anyway, Jon Jon’s in heaven…. why this is the best pussy he ever had…. her pussy feels tight and so juicy! It went in quick…. its so tight even though Jonny Boy’s dick is skinny and short…. why it feels like his dick is wedged between something hard… yet it feels so damn good… so good…. oh oh Oh Oh OH OH OH … AHH AWWWW…..!!!!!!
……Jonny Boy came and instantly fell asleep like a sleeping beauty……
“Hello Jonny Boy! Welcome back to your dream world!” said the Big Foot Man.
“Noooo! Oh fuck nooooo!” cried bitch ass Jon Jon screaming like a bitch. Trying to run away again…..
Not this time.
Because Jon Jon’s bound with a rope to a tree …..
As the big hairy man came closer Jon Jon realizes he’s just a man and not no big foot monster. The man’s shirtless body is indeed hairy and so is his face with long bushy auburn hair, stash and beard. It’s amazing he can see the man’s dity yellow teeth through all that hair. But at least he’s wearing a cutoff jean shorts like himself. Plus he’s very tall, what? About 6′ 10”….. and Jonny Boy’s what? …. 5′ 3” …..
“Okay you just listen to me for one second, little man. Thats why I tied you up. Listen to me, I’m trying to tell you that she’s not….”
“Excuse me, saw! But this is all crazy! I’m mean, ain’t I asleep? And yet, somehow, I feel the same like I’m awake. I mean what the fuck, I can feel everything…. and … and … and you ain’t going to rape me are you, saw?”
“Hey look man, I was only messing with you about being a faggit. I was just as surprised as you were. How the heck you came into my world, and I’m dead? And ever since that bitch murdered me, I’ve been existing here all alone with no one in sight. And yet my afterlife and your dreaming are in the same space or dimension. I know that sounds crazy but that’s the best I can come up with as far as theory goes. I’ve been trying to figure out these shits myself. Although I’m already dead, but somehow I exist in your…. dream. And yet I thought I was just a ghost haunting around these area of the woods, including the cave. So I’m just as perplexed as you are. Anyway, when you wake up again in ‘your world’ I would run the fuck out of here, you hear me?”
“Uhhh … did you say she murdered you?
“Okay, I need to further explain. You see, I was doing the same thing you were doing. Looking for some rumored weed around the Black Hill, and like yourself, somehow I got lost and ended up here in the cave. And yeah, like you, I fucked her! But….. but…. she…”
“Yeah, go on … she what?…”
…..Suddenly Jonny Boy woke up!
The same spot near the mouth. Because he had the most urgent feeling in his bladder.
It’s time to piss.
He gets up and turns to his right side to go outside. Fuck it! It’s very dark outside and nobody’s going to see him anyway pissing his little weiner. So he began pissing right there at the cave’s mouth….. hee honk hee honk….
“HUH?”
Jon Jon thought he heard a donkey or donkies out there in the woods, in the dark…..
Fuck that shit! Jon Jon isn’t going to investigate going out there in the woods in the middle of the night, fuck that! Ever since that day at the crazy farmhouse he had developed a fear of donkies. Even the sound of the ‘hee honk hee honk’ gave him the frightening gooosebumps on his scrawny little arms. He’s just a scrawny little man…. time to go back inside anyways because he’s done pissing…. wait a minute…. while holding his dick it felt kind of itchy and sore….. l can’t see it’s too dark…. l’m going next to the fire and take a closer look….
When he turned around and went towards the fire he noticed the spot where the crude painting was…. well it isn’t there now but there is……..
a hole in the wall!
What Dafuq?!
Hmmm…. is she in there? Jon Jon wondered…. but first he needs to take a good look at his dick….. his little dick is more important than anything else at the moment including the hole in the wall…. and … and …. something else…. something’s nagging at his memory…. oh yeah! He just woke up from that crazy dream…. talking with Big Foot about…… oh shit! They never got to talking about her….. but first , he needs to check his dick…..
The light from the fire gave Jon Jon the close inspection he’s looking for…..
HOLY SHIT!
His little weiner looks like it has tiny little hickies or red spots …. what the fuck? She got some kind of STD? NO FUCKING WAY! REALLY?
Is that what that big guy was trying to tell him? What, she got VD? …no. He said she ….
MURDERED HIM!!
Oh oh….. thought Jon Jon….. this is not good….. nope not at all….. he should get the fuck otta here like the man said ….. but ….. no way …. he needs to confront her because she’s the only one who knows what’s really going on around here…….fuck it! It’s time to be a man…..
So he wandered towards there……. to the hole……
He went inside on his hands and knees and doggy walked for only a few feet because it was a small tunnel……
He stopped.
It’s another cave or a dome …… incredibly the same looking cave, dafuq?
As his eyes slowly adjusted to the campfire’s nightlight of the cave’s interior, Jonny Boy saw Loana laying down near the campfire with her legs spread open…..
“Come here and taste my pussy….” said her pussy between her legs…..
WHAT The FUCK? !
Jon Jon can’t believe his eyeballs! It looks like she got another mouth except it’s not horizontal but its lips are vertically between her legs just like the good old real pussy….. WHUT?! She’s a fucking FREAK! ….And… and … and….and …..
Suddenly Jonny Boy’s not in control of himself….. what’s going on? …… nope. Only his body is out of control but his mind is intact……
“I said come here, sweetie, my love! Did you know that I love you? Come here and I will tell you everything. Come now!”
Jonny Boy obeyed like a good dog and came towards his master. At the same time Jonny Boy’s thinking, oh shit! I’m in a big fucking trouble…. oh help me god ….help me! …help!….
………is this the end of Jon Jon or Jonny Boy?
………does anyone care?
NOPE.
Okay, that’s it then.
No need to finish this silly story……….
Fable