Why Me?! Part 2
By:Gen1900
It seemed the alarm boomed in my ear seconds later, after I recently got the devil terrier to shup up next door.
Jim was already awake. He was in the bathroom combing his hair back by using, “Just for Men,” gel.I’m surprised he used that brand, for he hated any proof of himself aging. The slightest gray caused a national conversation. The neighbors knew even before I did what went on in that mind of his.
“You know it’s time to get up, Amber,” grumbled my knight in shining armor who presented himself in bright blue boxers.
I felt the romance being zapped in the air like a fly to a swatter.
“Already?! I just crawled in here!” I moaned throwing the blanket over my head.
He must have seen the dark circles under my eyes because he uttered an audible, “Wow!”
“How about a compliment in the morning! You could at least do that!”
He froze dead in his joke tracks and immediately apologized. But I could still sense a note of pleasure in his voice when he said it.
“Jim, you are about as close to death as you can possibly get. Do you know that?”
He smiled. A mocking, “You won’t scare me,”grin that boiled my anger to the max. When you’ve been married 22 years, you can read your spouse’s thoughts; either good or bad.
Suddenly my two sons burst into the room, shouting at the top of their lungs.
Ethan, who was 2 years older than Mike, wore a spaghetti strainer on the top of his head. His blond curls poked through the holes.
“We’re playing electrical shock! Mike’s the asylum boss!” cried Ethan with the upper half of his body faking a twitch.
I glared at Jim, who was attempting to jump into his work pants. Sadly, he tripped repeatedly which made his underwear slowly ride down. Just what I needed, the boys to have never ending nightmares.
“Pull your shorts up,” I said crawling out of my caccoon.
The twins rushed to my side as my body was wrapped by the same robe.
Man, oh how cold the fabric felt!
“Now, did he tell you about the shock?” I asked pointing to their father’s back. They nodded yes in unison.
“Jim!” I yelled going over to him.
“Oh, Amber, leave me alone! You’ve been picking on me all morning,” he snapped with his eyes wide and alert.
“Alright that’s it! Come on, cubs, I’m going to make you breakfast. The bear can get his OWN cereal.”
Jim shook his head and muttered his way through buttoning his black shirt.
Us three traversed down the stairs and into the eerie kitchen, where annoying memories haunted me.
“What you want for breakfast, Mike? Ethan?”
I opened the fridge to see bare shelves filled with a gallon of milk, a lonely looking orange, and a half-eaten chocolate bar.
“Great! After work I have to shop! Could this day get any worse?” I thought grabbing the milk.
“How bout’ hmmm….bananas in mash potato gravy?” evil Ethan answered with his eyebrows arched.
“Yuck, Ethan!” I said feeling nautious.
“Lucky Charms?” meekly inquired Mike leaning his little head to the side.
“Sure, sounds good,” I replied.
I poured the milk into two plastic green bowls and added the marshmallow delicacy.
“Here you go,” I said handing their food.
Ethan began playing with it with his fingers. Mike waited patiently for his spoon which I provided quickly.
“Remember after breakfast up you go to change. And Ethan not the shark shirt, you wore that five days in a row.” I commanded sweetly but stern.
“But Mooom!” he pleaded.
“Why don’t you wear that sweater Aunt Edith gave you?” smirked Mike who was finishing his cereal like a good boy.
“Shut up, favorite son! Besides that sweater has fleas!” exclaimed Ethan getting emotional and whiny.
“The only reason you love that t-shirt was because Jane from school said, ‘You look like such a hunk,’ ” argued Mike. He enjoyed being the bad guy for once.
“Stop, Mikey!”
“Don’t call me that!”
“I can!”
“You can’t!”
Reader, you probably want to teach my kids a lesson right now. But think this: Welcome to my world.
Humor