The Punishment
Barry Lloyd Grissom
I was sitting in court awaiting my sentencing. It was my third strike and jail time was inevitable. Throughout my life I had a bad habit of being around the wrong crowds, more recently the heists were poorly planned and I always ended up getting caught. I looked over at my lawyer and saw that she was doodling in her yellow notepad, she wasn’t even good looking, nothing seemed to be going my way. The judge called the DA and my lawyer up to the bench. They spoke for a few moments with the DA looking back at me periodically with a smirk on his face. I didn’t know what to expect, but it didn’t appear to be good. The meeting was adjoined and all parties returned to their positions. The bailiff called out, “All rise!” We stood, I looked over at my lawyer but she didn’t return my gaze. The judge asked, “Mr. Reynolds, do you have any remarks before I render the verdict?” I was about to respond when my lawyer interrupted me by tapping my shoulder and shaking her head no. That was the most communication we had all day. I answered. “I guess not.” The judge continued, “I have a special place for you to go, Mr. Reynolds. Due to the overpopulation of the prisons we have discovered new places to send criminals like yourself.” He then slammed his gavel one time, got up, and exited through the rear door. I looked over at my lawyer and asked, “What does that mean?” but she only turned and walked away muttering, “Good luck.” Two guards then walked up, pulled my hands behind my back, cuffed them, and drug me toward the side door. I had no family, friends, or enemies so nobody was there to see me off. The first room we entered had beige walls, a chair in the center, and a small table next to it with clippers. One guard sat me down hard while the other one picked up the clippers and shaved all the hair from my head, including my eyebrows. They then picked me up and escorted me past the next door. The walls in this room were gray. An additional guard was standing on the right with a large black firehose, the hose disappeared into the wall. I looked to the right and noticed a rusty drain on the floor. I thought to myself, “Oh shit!” The two guards pulled out military grade knives and ripped off all of my clothing from my body, removed my shoes then tossed me, still handcuffed, near the drain. The hose was turned on my me. I covered my groin area, but the force of the water eventually cleansed that too. I was banged up with a few bruises after they were done. The guards walked back over, grabbed be and drug me to the next door. The final room was larger. It contained a strange glowing green hole at the opposite end, that was suspended in midair. To my right was a control panel with a woman and man dressed in typical mad scientist lab coats. The woman looked at me, then the guards and said, “remove the handcuffs and standby.” This whole process was surreal and I didn’t have time to think about what was going on. I assumed that was preplanned. The handcuffs were removed and I rubbed my wrists. A red swirly light behind the control panel near the ceiling began rotating and a two-toned alarm began ringing. The woman said, “Now!” The two guards walked me over to the green sphere and hurled me in.
I stepped off into emptiness and free-fell through a greenish haze that was difficult to breathe in. Was I going to die? My body tumbled over and over to the point where I was getting sick, and I didn’t know my up from down. I hit a solid wet surface and felt myself suspended momentarily, like a reverse droplet of water. It finally released me and I fell through the sky, sick to my stomach, I then hit a body of water facedown into a belly flop. The black murky water wasn’t deep, in fact I hit the bottom quickly and scrapped my head on what must have been sand. I stood up and tried to examine my surroundings. I saw two men walking toward me, that were dressed in only black rubber goulashes, which was odd, because they were missing shirts and undergarments. As they got closer I noticed that that they looked and smelled like they hadn’t bathed in a while. I looked behind me and saw a thick fog. I was immediately struck with a hard rubber club in my mid-section as I turned to face the two men. I buckled and had the breath knocked out of me. They grabbed me and drug me toward a huge poorly constructed wooden ramp. It stunk and was full of rotten planks, moss and algae. It led into a large structure, also poorly constructed. I assumed it was difficult to get supplies here if it had to use the same route I did. They continued to drag me, naked and sliding, until we reached the door. One of them opened it and they both tossed me in. The interior was lit by four lanterns in each corner. There was an older man sitting behind a metal gray desk. He wore the same black rubber goulashes but also had a thick pair of goggles on. He looked down at the desk and rummaged through laminated paperwork. He looked up at me and began drumming his bony fingers on the metal desk making a sound that reverberated eerily within the warm room. I stood up and faced him. No need for modesty at this point. He began to speak, “Welcome to nowhere and the rest of your soon to be miserable life. There is no escape, I should say that there is nowhere to go and the trip you made is only one way. The only thing for you to strive for, if you survive, is to be a guard or a warden. I am the warden and you met two of many guards.” He continued, “You can ask me one question before you pass through that door behind me and are thrown into the yard. Take your time, because you will probably never see me again.” I thought about it for a minute and asked, “I think I might still be in shock and I haven’t processed any of this yet, but why am I here? I am only a petty criminal?” He sighed then continued, “It is always the same question. It doesn’t matter if you are a murderer or caught embezzling from a company. If and when you get your third strike, you are permanently removed from society, never to return?” I then asked, “Why don’t people know about this place? I mean it would definitely be a deterrent?” He answered, “You seem like an intelligent fellow so I will answer a second question. When in history has any punishment ever been a deterrent?” I said, “Shit!” After that he got up, turned, then opened the door behind him. He motioned me through and I voluntarily walked into the chaos.
I was grabbed as soon as I stepped though the door and thrown forward though a green haze. Outside the door were wooden pathways, made of thick lumber, that must have reached 100-meters to each side. They disappeared on the sides into fog and were full of guards. I landed in dark water up to my waist, that was different from the other water, plus this made me gag. There was sand in the distance, surrounding a mountain of stone that pinnacled into a platform. There was too much for my senses to immediately take in. The so-called yard was packed to capacity with moving and unmoving bodies. Were they dead? The masses seemed to be moving toward the sand to get out of the water. Everybody was fighting each other. The screams of men and women were horrible. Were they fighting for positions? I looked close at the mountain and noticed it was a pyramid with slabs of white marble rock that rose diagonally all the way to the platform. This architecture continued around the structure fitting perfectly. Blood, chunks of flesh, and bodies littered the slabs, sand and everywhere in the water. They were all around me! Bodies were continually falling from the platform because of the seemingly never-ending battle up there. I moved through the water and bodies to the side of the platform and reached up to try to get out. When my hand touched the green haze, I was hurled backward a dozen feet into the water. My body was full of blood when I stood up. I could see the guards on the other side of the haze pointing and laughing at me. I was in hell.
The End
Science Fiction
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That was a great short story! You did a really good job creating suspense for the reader. My favorite part was when the main character described the courtroom. How the main character thought his lawyer was not pretty and how he was treated was well written.
You wrote such a good short story; however, I do have some critiques. I suggest to go back and work on your dialog. I had a hard time understanding who was talking in the second and last paragraph. I would also slow down when you explain this strange new world. There is way too much being thrown at the reader in a rushed way. Slow down and create tiny paragraphs so the reader can pause and take it all in. My biggest suggestion is to give the main character a name and back story. What did they do to get sentenced here? What year is this? Why does it appear he/she has an unfair trail? If you answer those questions in your story you will have a strong piece.
Keep editing, this is a good start!
This is bone-chilling! I could visualize the whole thing! Well done!