“Yeah, Mom, really. Really, I’m fine. My classes have just been rough and I’m- “
I stopped. He was there. On my bed, just sitting there.
“Yeah I’m still here. Yeah. Yes. No, it’s fine.”
Had his eyes always been that green?
“Hey Mom? I gotta go. Yes, I promise. Bye. Ok. Bye. I love you too.”
I didn’t realize how long I’d been looking at him. He didn’t say anything. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Why wasn’t I saying anything? How long had it been since we talked last time? Since things got…weird. Two months? Three?
“It’s been a month, Myers.”
I was stunned silent. What was he, a mind reader?
“Really? Only a month?”
“Only a month.”
That subtle smirk. The way he was so calm despite all the problems I’ve caused him. He had only said eight words since I walked into the room and I was already melting. The way his deep, vibrant voice echoed across the walls immediately brought me back to that night. I never wanted to hurt him. It was just getting complicated and I got scared. How did he even find my dorm?
“You’re probably wondering how I got here.”
Ok really, is he psychic?
“I assume you took the train.”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
“So then how did you find me?”
“I was planning on begging someone in the office to release your room number, but I bumped into Maggie on the way in.”
Freaking Maggie.
“She didn’t think you wanted to be found, but I convinced her I meant well so she showed me to the building. Luckily your roommates weren’t so difficult to persuade and knowing Maggie was enough for them to let me in. What happened, Myers?”
I wasn’t going to hold on much longer, the way he was talking. I couldn’t keep it in. I asked for space for a reason.
“Can you just call me Bea?”
“We’ll see.” Already being cheeky. “Just tell me why you left.”
How could I? There’s no way to put it all into words. No easy way, that is. Because it wasn’t just that he was younger than me, it wasn’t that I got annoyed, it wasn’t anything that he must think it is. It’s just that I had put myself on the line so many times and it took months for him to reciprocate. So what would he do when my feelings changed?
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
“You won’t hurt my feelings. I just need to understand. I’ve been going mad over you, you’re all I can think about. Just tell me. I won’t be offended.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about.”
It looked like he was going to say something, but then he stopped. He just looked at me. Staring. Searching. Oh no. I think he found it. I really thought I’d hold out longer than that. Or maybe I was hoping to get it over with.
“Myers, I – sorry, Bea.” He was trying to talk me down. “Bea, I know things were confusing at first. We were both confused. You were moving and getting out of things with Jon and I thought you were after me for a reputation I was trying to shake off. But I thought we moved past that.”
“We did, it’s just that…well, you never made a move.”
“What?”
“It was always me. I was the one to jump off the ledge and risk everything. It took three times before you finally caught me. And when I moved, I guess I thought- “
“You thought we’d disintegrate.”
“Yeah.”
He paused. “Why?”
“A lot of reasons.”
“Like…?”
I can’t believe I was the one to lose my temper first.
“Like everything that you said before we kissed! You were still going to be a high schooler and I was going to be an hour away and it was going to be too hard. I ignored it, but all of that was true. And I didn’t want you to bail and leave me to pick up the pieces, so I took your place. You didn’t do anything wrong, Charlie, I did.”
“But things changed over the summer. You know that, right?”
“Of course I know that.”
He was starting to raise his voice now too.
“So then what happened, Bea? I don’t get it. One second we were looking at the stars and the next you were getting in your car and telling me you needed space. Within the next 24 hours you were gone. Here.”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes. You do.”
I was losing him. But isn’t this what I wanted? Isn’t this why I took off and moved the next day? If he had just stayed home, I would’ve been fine. I’ve been fine for a month now. Right? But what was I going to tell my mom earlier? Come on Bea, remember.
“Really, I’m fine. My classes have just been rough and I’m struggling with some social stuff.”
What would she have said?
“Any particular stuff, Beatrice?”
“I don’t entirely know. I went on a date last night. And one last weekend. They both went really great.”
“Not to contradict you or anything, but that doesn’t sound like you’re struggling. Who’s the guy, sweetie?”
“Tyler. He was in my communications class. We got paired up for an activity the first day and got to talking and it turns out we have a lot in common. We were studying together for a week or so and he asked me out. But something is missing.”
This is where she’d say something deep and important. Something about being nervous and not giving him the benefit of the doubt. She’d want me to go on a third date, which she doesn’t know is already planned for this Thursday. She would tell me the story of meeting my dad for the nth time and how her friends forced them together just so she could get over her ex. He was only ever supposed to be a rebound. But after they had been talking for a while, she realized how much better he was for her.
My story is different though. Because every time I’m with Tyler I can’t keep myself from judging him against Charlie. His smile isn’t as bright, his jokes aren’t as funny, he’s not nearly as smart. Maybe that’s terrible, but it’s the truth. So I haven’t really been fine for a month. I’ve been sad. I’ve been missing the person I ran away from.
I snap back into the moment.
“Bea, you know what happened. I want to know too.”
One deep breath. No more hiding.
“I love you. Charlie Blake, I love you so much and I’m sorry I left. We were supposed to be a fling. Nothing serious. That’s all we agreed to. But we were together nearly every day of the summer and something changed. It wasn’t just for fun anymore. I mean, it was fun. A lot of fun. We had more fun than I’ve ever had.” I was saying the word “fun” too much, wasn’t I? “That’s not the point, though. In my mind, we had an expiration date. The night before I moved was supposed to be the end.”
“I never said that, Bea, I- “
“I know you never said that! But that’s how it felt. And that night, you took me stargazing. You were holding me and I was warmer than I’d ever been in my whole life. For half a second, you looked at me and the words hit my brain like a brick. ‘I love you.’ They just about tumbled out of my mouth too. I stopped myself, though. For just enough time, I stopped myself. Because I was so embarrassed to be in that position again.”
“What position?”
“The one where I bear my heart and soul to you and get nothing in return. The way it was at the beginning. I felt a new beginning coming on, but I was too scared to risk what we had. To risk being embarrassed again.”
“I’m so sorry I ever made you feel like that. I wanted to be the one to initiate things, but it was so hard. There was so much pressure from everyone, so I couldn’t tell if I really liked you or if I was trying to please everyone around me. But I figured it out eventually. I’m sorry it took me so much longer. And Bea?”
Another deep breath.
“Yeah?”
“I love you too.”
“You do?”
“I do.”
“Oh.”
“I almost told you that night too. In fact, my mouth was opening to say it when you leapt out of the truck.”
“Oh.”
“I should have.”
“Me too.”
This time we both took a deep breath. And then he kissed me.
Sparks, fireworks, electricity, whatever you want to call it. Something seemed to be hitting every single cell in my body. It was the same warm I felt a month before. I didn’t realize how cold I’d been.
“I love you, Charlie.”
“I love you, Beatrice.”
“We can make this work, right? The distance?”
“One measly hour can’t screw this up.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
Realistic Fiction
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I really like how realistic Bea’s thought process was, it was a good balance between description and dialogue as well. I liked the first person perspective too because it helps narrow down what is really important in the story and keeps it from going off on long tangents. You also had a really good control of information that’s given to the reader, leaving us to fill in a lot of the blanks and that’s a hard line to walk on. The only thing is that I think Charlie’s name could have been given earlier. It’s a piece of information that readers are always looking for, and if there is ever a way to get them out as quickly as possible that also feels natural I think you should go for it. It doesn’t apply to every story, of course, names just help ground a character and convince the audience of their authenticity. I think this is a really cute story! I liked the dynamic Charlie and Bea have, they bounce off each other in a way that helps expose their personalities and is engaging. I would love to see more of their interactions but I understand if this was just a one shot. ye, good job!
I really enjoyed reading your short story. The kiss part was my favorite part. Make sure you write about the main character or Charlie coming close together though. I do suggest to go back and add some tags to your dialog. I had a hard time figuring out who was talking. Other than that it was a nice short story!