When you feel like everything is going right, something happens that makes it a fright. Maybe it is because I faked for so long to be happy, that really made my life crappy. If I wasn’t all fucked up in the head, I would be happy instead. I know I need all the help I can get, but I don’t know if I can go through it. To be honest I don’t know if it could help to be sent away, or maybe death is on its way. I hate these feelings of mine, it gets worse every single time. I can never tell anyone the truth about how my depression has been, that way is definitely ain’t helpin’. I miss when I was really happy and could do everything with motivation, now it is like everything has quit on me and I have no concentration. Fuck my life you know, I can’t do progress this slow. I really want this whole life shit to be done with, it will get better in no time is a damn myth. I have been waiting for eleven damn years for it, nothing is happening and it’s bullshit. When something good happens it’s always fucked up, maybe I’ll have no choice but to put it in a cup. Waiting on my time to go then, I really wanted to get better within. I don’t know what to do anymore, so like an angel I’ma soar.
Poetry
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It has been a while for me too to feel a genuine happiness. But still, there are lots of people going through life and we must stay strong so that when they too have tough times, we welcome them with wisdom and open warms into life in hardship.
But then again, we still go through many weather’s throughout our days. Keep weathering the storm. There are always brighter days ahead.
^^I try so hard, but I’m just falling apart. I wonder why I’m still here, and my answer is so unclear.
For one thing, you have a clear voice in your writing.
That alone can help others find their voice.
Also, it’s interesting to watch and see where life goes and is going. I imagine I don’t have the faintest clue about how things are for you. But it is kind of your job for that to be known and see humanities reply.
I agree with Franktank that you have a very clear voice. This piece brought tears to my eyes. I often struggle with lack of motivation as well. I often feel as though I will never move. I’m just stuck in this same place, too afraid to take a step in fear of doing something wrong. I often ask myself “what am I doing here?” wondering what the hell it is I am supposed to do in this life. I assure you that it will get better. I have hopes that one day I will find meaning in my life, and I hope that for you too. I know it’s hard now and it feels like nothing will change, but as we grow up we learn more about ourselves through our experiences and eventually find something in our life that makes us fall in love, whether it’s a person, career, place, hobby. We just have to go out and find it. I never got anywhere while doing nothing. Things don’t just happen in front of us. We have to make things happen. I’ve always had to get myself out there and try new experiences, new things. And it can be scary. I get that, but it’s worth it. You are still here because you are meant to be here, just like I am meant to still be here. That means our time here is not finished.