Four months with no cuts,
I want to throw it all away.
Go back inside that dark,
for just one more day.
I have the craving for blood,
Mine. Warm. Running down skin.
The mental pain is so great,
that I let the demons get in.
Like a ritual, I’d get my tools,
find a spot, and cut right through,
the physical pain I felt,
well that was nothing new.
But the feeling in my head,
as endorphins rush my brain,
that’s the part I’m craving,
it makes me feel insane.
I didn’t quit it for me,
but for my kids and wife,
it was threatening them,
by threatening my life.
So I struggle with cravings,
but, no matter, I will not quit.
I’ve made too much progress.
My mind can’t take the hit.
Today I will not make a mark,
I’ll have to rely on my will,
to help me make this trek,
up the steep recovery hill.
Poetry
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well said sir, i just got out of the hospital about two weeks ago for slitting my own throat, however, i havent cut since i got out. ive had urges and its no joke to fight from… its a very real thing, and people honestly think we do it for attention, my reasons are “justified” to me persoinally. but i see where im wrong with them, and im changing for the better of my own mental health. Visiting and dwelling in the darkness is not healthy nor is it essential to be there, no matter how much you want it. Keep this in mind. Poem or not, this is rather bothersome to me and i wanted to bring this up being a cutter myself. I dont know how much of this poem about you is true, but if it is, dont devastate your life. Also another thing, you should do this for yourself, first before you do it for others or else you will fall right back down the same spiral. Psychologically you are fighting a battle for someone else, which is your own struggles. the reasons the urges are stronger each and everyday is because you dont wanna do it for your self but for others, yeah it gives you motivation but it also enables you to have an excuse to take that blade to your skin again…. if you keep this in mind, just be aware of it. thats all im trying to convey here. ive been there and down this road before, if you dont do it for yourself you will only fail again. Cause what will you do if those loved ones are the cause of your stress, drama, problems etc. so on and so forth? what then? how will you address the problem??? — think about that.
Thank you for your feedback and candor. I appreciate the concern about doing it for myself, as I am well aware of the need for that. Luckily I have a really good therapist who is helping me, along with a good doctor. I’m still working on not wanting to do it at all, but the poetry helps me a lot with the urges. Thanks again for all the feedback, and the best of wishes to you as well!
I am glad you did not misconstrue what i was saying to you so i really appreciate that. if you got time can yo ucheck out my works too and leave me some feed back, i would love to hear something. <3 hehe.
I will be happy to check your works out, it may be a day or two, I get busy, but I will check them out and try to leave some feedback. Thanks for reading!