From Mom:
Hey Emma, would you
Get some bread on your
way home sweetie?
Me:
Yeah Mom, what
Kind do you want?
From Mom:
Whole wheat! Thanks
Sweetie, be careful!?
Me:
Ok, I’ll do my best
To remember!
Love you! ?
From Mom:
Love you too!?
Living in a big city was perfect for a girl like Emma. Never having to drive anywhere was really convenient, but walking did have it’s dangers, especially when you rarely look up from your phone! You could inadvertently cause an accident, or step in wet cement…which Emma had done before, twice!
Ethan is your typical gamer boy, trapped in a man’s body.
Just imagine, walking along playing one of who knows how many games loaded on his phone, listening to music, and not paying a bit of attention to anything around him!
As Emma approached an intersection, a man suddenly caught her around the waist with one arm “whoa whoa whoa!” Startled she looked up and realized she had almost walked in front of a taxi. “Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!” “Yeah you really need to pay more attention girly.” The light changed and the man walked on.
A little shaken she crossed the street texting her friends about how she just almost died.
With every win Ethan played harder, and harder, the little screen getting closer to his face. “WIN!” “Next round…FIGHT!” Suddenly he walked straight into…
Still telling the tale of her near death experience Emma was suddenly knocked down! Her purse made a thump on the concrete as her phone skidded away from her “what the..?” She threw her arms over her head as the young man came stumbling over her. “Oh my gosh!” Ethan’s earbuds were ripped out of his ears as he put one arm out to the concrete performing a sort of summersault over Emma.
Coming to his feet he turned to see the beautiful young woman vainly attempting to cover her head with both arms. “Are you okay!?” He reached out a hand to help her up.
“Yeah, I hope I can say the same for my phone!”
Taking his hand she climbed to her feet, looking in the direction her phone went.
Quickly spotting it Ethan quickly snatched it off the pavement before an approaching taxi laid it to rest. Handing the phone to Emma Ethan said “I don’t think it’s broken, but if you want we can take it to the shop around the corner to make sure.” “No, I think it’s fine.” “Ok, then how about the coffee shop across the street?” “Oh, I don’t know, I have some things to do…” “come on! Let me make it up to you with at least a coffee! My treat, anything you like…please?” “I guess I have a little time.” “Great! I’m Ethan by the way.”
“I’m Emma.”
Emma and Ethan hit it off quickly, and coffee lead to “what are you doing this weekend?” To “I had a really good time, what are you doing Friday?” And before anyone knew it, they were as thick as thieves!
From Jodi:
OMG you never answer
Me back, or text me!
Me:
O know, I’m so sorry!
I’ve just been really busy
From Jodi:
You mean too busy
Hanging out with Ethan!
Me:
I’m sorry, I just really
Like him. I think he’s
The one!
From Jodi:
Awww that’s so sweet.
Just try not to forget
About your bff ok?
Me:
Ok ?
“Yo Ethan! Toby is having a big smash tournament at his house this weekend, can you loan me fifty bucks for a new controller? Mine crapped out last night, and mom says she doesn’t have it right now.” “I don’t have fifty dollars right now either!” “Aw pleeeease big brother?” “I don’t have it. But you can take my controller, it’s in my black backpack by my night stand.” “WHAT!?!? You’re not going!?” “Nah lil man, I’m taking Emma to dinner.”
SIX MONTHS LATER
“Hey Emma, I was thinking… Emma! Emmaaa… EMMA!” “Sorry babe, I was texting Jodi, what’s up?” “I was thinking about our special day coming up…” “oh! Yeah, do you have any ideas?” “I’ve been kicking around a few. What do you think about…Emma? Really Emma!?” “I’m sorry! Jodi is just having a hard time right now.” “Well if Jodi made better choices she wouldn’t be ‘ having a hard time right now ‘
And we could have a chance to talk.” “Really Ethan!? That’s so insensitive! I can’t talk to you right now, I’m going to Jodi’s.” “That’s fine, we weren’t talking anyway! I was talking, you were texting! You don’t even look at me anymore.”
“That’s because I can’t stand to when you get like this!” “What does that even mean!? I wasn’t upset until you kept staring at the damn phone!”
“Whatever Ethan, I’m tired of this…all of this! I’m going to Jodi’s…and I won’t be back.” Emma slammed the apartment door behind her. Ethan flung the door open and yelled into the Hall “don’t forget to look where you’re going!”
And slammed the door.
Short Stories
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I like the way you depicted the back and forth texts. The story of love at first sight is sweet too, but there is a lot of their history left out so when you time skip and they break up after six months, we don’t have any emotional investment in Ethan and Emma as a couple. If you choose to revise, maybe give us some of them as a couple, maybe she puts the phone down to devote more time to him. All we get to see is Ethan changing (giving up a Smash tourney) to take her out to dinner, but no reciprocation from Emma. It would make it more poignant if they began to drift (or maybe one or the other drifts first, as with him getting upset with her because she’s on her phone all the time) and we get to watch them fall apart after such a sweet start.
Thank you! I have never written a short story before and I struggled with what to put in, and what to leave out. I agree it needs more, and I plan to edit it soon. Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment!
This story is really nice. I like how you constructed the text messages. I also love the story and the message behind the story. I do suggest to work on your dialog. I was having a hard time understanding who was speaking. Other than that, it was a nice piece!