Someone told me to try to write something happy…
I’m not sure how to write about something that I’m not feeling… but here it goes…
The only thing in this world that makes me smile,
that brings me joy is the boy that I call my own.
The little boy that came from my womb.
The boy I spent nine months nurturing and growing.
I made those blue eyes,
I made that beautiful skin.
I’ve never been more proud of myself for that.
But I’ve also never been as scared as I am every moment of the day.
I’m afraid im not good enough to be this little boys mom.
I love him with every bit of my being.
But he deserves the world.
He deserves everything that he desires.
He deserves to be loved unconditionally and forcefully.
He deserves to have more than I could ever provide.
The only thing I have for him is that unconditional love.
And I try my best to show him every day what he means to me.
In those moments he’s not around,
I don’t feel human,
I don’t feel like a person anymore.
I feel like my life legit stops for him and proceeds when he comes back around.
I tried really hard to make this a happy piece…
I really did.
But im not around him right now,
and when I am,
I don’t pay attention to my writing, or my phone,
my focus is on him.
One hundred percent on him.
Because even though I don’t feel good enough for him,
I’ll try my hardest to come close and be everything that he needs.