Oh love,
my love,
this love of mine.
I will love you,
until the end of time.
Oh love,
my love,
this love of mine.
The light in you,
will forever shine.
Oh love,
my love,
this love of mine.
My love for you,
will forever climb.
For all my love,
oh love,
my love in you.
Couldn’t be bought,
for even a billion dimes.
Poetry
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This was such a cute and lovely poem! A declaration of love should be equivalent to a sweet, intimate, and pure vow, and I think that you nailed that concept right on the head. I am especially fond of the repetition throughout the poem: “Oh love, / my love, / “this love of mine.” It sounds a tad immature, like the narrator cannot help but disregard all logic because he or she is so consumed by passion, but that’s the point, right? When you’re in love, you let down your barriers and open yourself up to irrational emotion because it is such a wonderful sensation – to abandon caution and be candid with someone else. I also adore the (attempted) rhyme scheme. They may not be spot on, but the general end sounds of the words “time,” “shine,” “climb,” and “dimes” are similar enough and flow like velvet off the tongue.
If there is anything at all that I would advise changing – the content is flawless, don’t get me wrong – it would be to get rid of the final commas on the fourth line of each stanza. Technically speaking, the fourth lines are still majorly unfinished and need to touch on the rest of the essential parts of a sentence. For example, in lines 4 and 8, only the subject of the sentence was established, and the commas are oddly placed because they separate the subject from the active verb. Thus, the commas are unnecessary there.
Nonetheless, all in all, this is such a heart-warming poem, and I honestly believe, if the reader was currently in love with someone at the time, it would be their prayer at night! I certainly know it would be mine.
Thank you so much for taking the time to give such thorough feedback! I will take it all into consideration!
Love the way this poem is written with, “Oh love ..my love” to me it strengthens the feelings of love in this poem as to say twice and the second part, “my love” seals how strong the love is, thanks.