I feel so out of touch
As if my life isn’t in my clutch
I lay on my bed
And as I try to rest my head
All I do is stare
Out into open air
My ceiling is blank and bare
And for some reason I don’t seem to care
That I’m wasting all my time
Worried about the things in my mind
I feel so out of touch
I know that I could me doing more
And yet I do nonesuch
But I’m not rotten to the core
I care much more than I seem
It’s like though my feelings are faded
That doesn’t mean that I don’t dream
It’s just that for now my sunshine is shaded
I feel so out of touch
But that doesn’t mean I won’t find
The things I hide so much
Deep down inside
To feel something real
In my world of grey
Would be a big deal
To not feel so far away.
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I love this. I feel it has the potential to be something great. I love the flow and the rhyme. I do feel that this is something I would have written based on style and subject. I can’t tell you exactly what it’s missing, unfortunately, but I can tell you if you go through one more round of revision you’ll find some ways to tweak this to make it better.