So, here’s the thing.
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years now. We’re both about to graduate college, and I have a job lined up in Philly immediately following graduation (from a Philly University). We’ve discussed our future a little (during a night of drinking we agreed that our careers would come first, but we’d like to stay together after graduation. Long distance, if need be).
However, he’s never had an internship, while I’ve had three now. In this day and age, you need to have internships before you start job searching, unless you’re an engineer or something (but even most of them get internships). It’s all about experience. Job recruiters don’t want to hire 22-year-olds with no experience in their field, even if they have a GPA above a 3.0 from a renown University.
My boyfriend tried getting internships. Last spring he applied to a whole bunch. But he only got one interview, and he made it to the second round with that company, but ultimately they went with someone else. Most of the other companies he applied to didn’t even have the decency to send him a rejection letter. Once summer began, internship opportunities dwindled. They already had their summer interns. Then, when the time came around to apply for Fall internships, he really didn’t try. He applied to three. He had one interview. They never contacted him again.
Now we’re getting down to the wire, because we’re seniors, and he only has so long before he has to start paying his own rent and become financially independent from his parents. My problem is that I obviously want him to stay in Philly with me. I don’t want to do long distance for God-knows-how-long. That will probably end in us breaking up (I know what some of you may be thinking. If our relationship isn’t strong enough to last long distance, then we’re not right for each other). But the thing is, if he was constantly searching for internships and jobs and exhausted every possible position in Philly, and was forced to take a job somewhere else or move back home, I would understand. He tried his hardest. But he’s putting so little effort into it now, it’s hard not to take it personally. Doesn’t he want to give our relationship the best chance possible?
Not only that, but this is his career we’re talking about. How is he not stressed out that he hasn’t even had a remote internship? Job searching sucks, I know. If you’ve ever tried to get an internship or job, you know, too. It’s exhausting and repetitive and every rejection is a hit to your ego and you feel like all your effort is for naught. But my attitude is to just suck it up and do it, while his is to- I don’t know- continue to do the bare minimum and hope for the best?
Anyway, I continually nag him. Which means we continually fight about this. Which means our relationship is not in a great place right now. Isn’t it ironic that I’m jeopardizing my relationship now in an attempt to not jeopardize it later? I just don’t know what to do. Because I know that nagging him doesn’t get him to apply to more places, but I’ve also tried finding him internships and jobs to apply to, but he doesn’t even look at the listings. It’s hard for me to keep bottled up because I think about it all the time, and it’s always in the back of my head.
What should I do?
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Clearly, you have to make a choice.
Such decisions are NOT easy!
They strain the very fabric of ones soul.
(NOT trying to be poetic but, this resonates with me.)
In 1988, I met a gal while at USGC boot camp.
We wound up having a bit of an affair there and post boot camp.
We stayed in touch and went back and forth for a few weeks
She wanted me to move with her to Oregon.
I wanted her to move with me to Sacramento, CA.
In the end it was a draw and we parted ways.
It hurts! It causes major stress.
There is NO easy answer!
My advice to you is that you follow your concerns.
I would also say that since your beau was having such a time, maybe he might consider changing his pursuits.
I understand you are both graduate students trying to
get things in your lives in order but, sometimes life does not always work out the way you expect.
Having said all this, allow me to give you two ideas.
1-Find someone like me that helps folks with their stress.
I am Scot Albert. Here is my contact information.
(Since you are college students as am I, let’s figure out the money concerns of this matter at a later point in time IF at all. I am more willing to help folks than to charge them.)
Just call and leave a message.
Please leave a voice mail
at this phone number at this number
(641) 715-3900
Once connected, please dial
922489# to leave me a voice mail.
I will call you back as soon as possible.
2-Have your beau temporarily consider working at something
that while not his intended field of endeavor would at least garner him some income and would hopefully allow the two of you to stay together.
One such option is to find an online type of gig.
I hope this helps you both!
Namaste’
Scot
Hey Scot, thanks for the response, but changing his major isn’t really an option at this point, and hypnosis isn’t really the cure for me. I was hoping for advice more along the lines of what to say with him, or coming to terms with that fact that his life is out of my control.
While I hope your situation has improved since you originally posted (some 8 months ago), I think it is worth saying that you have answered your own question in your reply to Scot. I agree that hypnosis probably would not be a great idea, but finding concrete ways to manage stress is. The internet is full of resources, your school might be able to offer counseling or direct you to one if you think you need it, etc.
It might be worth your time to sit down with boyfriend and have it all out. Tell him your concerns, from A to Z. Remind him that you are not doing this to nag or be ugly, you are worried and you want to know if he has a plan. Whatever he says, you have to accept, then you have to decide how to proceed. No more nagging or reminding! If his answer is something you can live with, there you go. If it’s not something you can live with, it sounds like you have a career ahead of you and you can step out. While continuing a relationship long-distance is not ideal, it might be an opportunity to put things in perspective.
That’s my two cents. Like I said, I hope your situation has improved since your original post. Congratulations on graduating (I think you are graduated now?) and all the best to you as you make your dreams reality!
Thanks for the response! My some miracle he actually got a job! And he actually started just last week. We’re moving in together next week and everything seems to be going well.
Giving advice on situations is really hard because you have to be there and experience it for yourself and even then each person is different, but it does seem your boyfriend should be trying harder. Thanks for sharing, hope everything worked out for the best for you.