Ah, the joy of Christmas day is here! Old traditional songs mixed with some new contemporary ones send pure sounds to our ears. There is a light snow falling on the already snow-covered ground. Children rush throughout the house with anticipation of the gifts to come. Mom and Dad pull themselves out of bed and look for the video camera to capture those precious moments, those joyful faces, those precious sounds of paper tearing to get to those treasures. The sweet aromas of eggs, bacon, sausage, and coffee fill the air. Yes, Christmas day is here! The most wonderful time of the year.
Then something happens to disrupt this perfect day. Children have started bickering with each other. Mom and Dad have some harsh words for each other. Then crash, a new gift has been broken. Crying and sadness turn the glorious morning to one of devastation. What happened to our beautiful Christmas day?
Then, just when the day seems doomed, one child comes to the rescue. Mom and Dad ask the children what has happened. The older child says that, in anger, she had grabbed the younger child’s favorite new gift and smashed it. Although the parents appreciate her honesty, their anger is now aroused. This child has ruined Christmas day. So, punishment must be handed out.
Just as the parents sentence the older child to her bedroom for the day, the younger child speaks up. “Please, please don’t punish her. It will ruin the whole day. If consequences need to occur, then I will go to my room.” The whole family is stunned at this change of events. The younger child is willing to serve the penalty for someone and clearly does not deserve it. That act of kindness changed the parents’ perspective on things. Mom and Dad are suddenly reminded of why we even celebrate Christmas in the first place. It was never about getting gifts, but about receiving the ultimate gift from God. God allowed His Son to die on that rugged cross to pay our sin debt, so that we could inherit eternal life.
Then, there is a knock at the door. When the family rushes to see who it is, they open the door to no one. But, when the younger child looks down by his feet, a gift is laying there with his name on it. As he opens it, to the family’s surprise, he finds the exact item that has been broken by the older child.
Order was restored that day. I guess that is what happens when our minds and hearts are focused on celebrating the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of the world’s Savior, Jesus Christ!
© Crow Lore
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Hi!
The first paragraph is great and sets the scene for the story well. The narration style reminds me of “A Visit from St. Nicholas” (the “’twas the night before Christmas ” poem) and the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
I would work on incorporating your themes of forgiveness, kindness, and grace into the story instead of stating them directly. Consider fables such as “The Tortoise and the Hare.” It’s a fun, entertaining story that also brings in a deeper message or lesson, which I believe you are trying to do here. Have you ever read or watched the Chronicles of Narnia (particularly “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”) by C.S. Lewis? It’s another great example – he weaves in themes of grace, forgiveness, sacrifice, and temptation using the characters as symbols.
For stories like these, it’s good to make sure your surface story/plot can (and does) exist by itself. Then, your readers “discover” and recognize the hidden meaning and message behind it, even if you don’t say it outright. I know, it’s a difficult balance between dropping subtle clues and being too obvious. You’ve really done a good job with what you have so far.
Remember, trust your readers. They are smarter than we give them credit for 🙂
RAR hit the nail on the head. Instead of spelling out the moral of the story, trust that your use of symbolism and dialogue will carry your message through.
I really like your opening paragraph too. The smells are particularly evocative for the joy that time of year brings. It’s about so much more than presents, it’s about faith and family too!
Thank you for the comments. I appreciate it. I will give this some more thought and see what I can come up with.