"Chakra Love"
Why did I have to talk to a blind man to know that I have two hearts? One that erratically beats for the world’s approval but the other drums to my soul. Usually she s on fire but sometimes just a cold flame in my chest. I had to see myself in my abuser to realize I had more than two eyes. The first time he hit me, I told God, ” I want to love like you!” With my proclamation, I hugged him even though he pushed me down the stairs. I knew some how the bruises were for a good cause but I didnt know it was me, I was fighting for. My sensitive stomach would warn me of his impending explosions, so I would prepare and clear the way. My questions triggered violent answers and I got use to knowing, what not to talk about. If he couldn’t hear the conviction in my voice, I wrote him letters of admiration and read books of forgiveness. At times I felt his remorse and the pain in the admission of his mistakes. Insecuties never let it last long enough and I was always to blame. No matter how many times I said, ” I love you!” or the forbidden access to my body, I still walked to work limping that day. As the butterflies guided me home, he ripped the ground from under me when he tossed me outside. I didn’t understand but in the sum of two years I kept going back. Kept feeling like I could have done more to love him, so I bought plants to aid growth, the softest pillows and blankets for calmness. As I studied him, I recognized that his anger wasn’t towards me and learned not to take everything personally. Regardless to my awareness, his random episodes never changed but I did. Everytime I left him, I felt stronger and soon brave enough to acknowledge the desire I had for myself. The desperate need, to place my hand on my throat to give myself permission to speak. I had to accept that this was nt just a nightmare but an all to familiar life. I allowed myself to question, ” If life is but a dream, then I can choose it’s contents, right?” Finding relief in my freewill, I went to him to thank him for the crown on my head and woke up from a dream, only to start another. However, in this reality, my heart is green and I marvel at its abundance in the leaves. That same crown, now sits atop my pale purple hair and a gentle blue stream flows from my lips. Their is an orange sacred fruit between my thighs and red roots that stem from my feet. With the sun comforting my quivering belly and the indigo in my odd eyes, in my inner world, I can only see the brightness between you and I.
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