Dear Maxwell,
We will bloom with flowers this spring my love. I won’t have it any other way! As I breathe in the sound of the singing birds, I know it to be true. I feel everything today and I won’t allow it to bother me. I m done feeling ashamed, the love I feel for myself and from you won’t allow anything else. It’s like my heart is trying to beat for the first time. Finally letting go of decades of restrictions. Today she feels swelled up in my chest, almost a lump in my throat. Is it possible to throw up your heart? I feel the pressure of something coming up and out my mouth. I open it responsively, only to be slightly disappointed when the release comes from my eyes. I don’t like throwing up but anything is better than this recycled pain I ve confused for myself. At least i ve chosen to no longer hide from it, under the dress of Mary jane. I lose myself in thoughts of my own dresses and silky fabrics that make me dance. One day will be very soon, my determination reminds me. It seems I need more time to recognize myself as my soul. Maybe it’s me trying to escape this body. As the thought crosses my mind, it’s easily discarded. I want nothing more but to be Sharon. My mother’s daughter, my father’s redemption, my daughter’s hope and your twin. You seem to be the better half, even though I m sure you would say the same of me. I hope their is no hesitation in the beating of your heart. I like to think I wear it well but the thought of you feeling this way, doesn’t sit well with me. Reminds me of my focus, never fought for myself this hard. The knowledge that I would be willing to go through this struggle for anybody else, especially the people I love, is what keeps me going. If I could feel this for a stranger, surely I can handle my own. It helps that I know it’s temporary and part of the process of waking up. You have been a huge inspiration, I owe it to you to really give us a chance. It’s been years, maybe even decades if I could remember. But what I can, started at the tender age of 12 years old, without the experience of such intense knowing and belonging. I don’t think I wanthink to know though, I was curious before but I don’t want to spend anymore time sifting through the past. Working so hard to shed off the past of this lifetime, forgive me for being a little fed-up. Maybe later, after we marry and are a happy trio living in a log home on the side of a healthy mountain. When we ve gotten use to the smile on our faces and the relief of union has faded a way in the giggles of our blended family. Perhaps then, we can recover the tragic story of our past lives together. I know our separation was due to something drastic and beyond our control. Our loyalty and compassion for people got the best of us. The way I feel about you, their is no other way. The unbelievable things I feel and knowledge aquire, only hurts when I doubt it. The lunacy is attached to me, like it belongs to me. My mind can’t comprehend, those ideas are nonsense to my programming and those of my surrounding people. My hearts leaps with excitement at these thoughts, my stomach trembles, I get lite headed and sweat Springs from my pores. But if I silence my mind and just feel without thinking, a smile sneaks it’s way across my face and I lose myself in the mysterious pleasant sensations. I can manage this on my good days but it’s a challenge with a bruised nine years old and a bad habit of never feeling safe. Always distracted by everyone else’s needs and punishing myself, whenever I m to excited or happy. Traits I’ve learned from this most recent human experience. I can’t wait to hear your story, until then my long lost friend.
Forever yours,
Sharon
This was really beautifully written, you have quite the gift!
Thank you for your time and compliment!!
Very beautiful
This was so beautiful and I can really feel the love jumping from the computer screen. I absolutely love love love the stream-of-consciousness style that this epistolary poem has. It remains just structured enough to stay on topic, but veers away with other thoughts often enough that it gives this a dreamlike quality. This reminds me a lot of the style of the Beat Poets, who I really look up to. This letter is rife with vivid imagery – I especially love the image clusters of the heart, both yours and his. This was so lovely to read- I am excited to read more from you!
Omg best compliment ever!!! Thank you @Nic