Crystals in your hair
Reflect a beacon calling me closer,
Glowing as if they were their own source of light.
They came from the snowflakes
falling from the willow tree with its drooping branches,
And vines braided together by practicing children’s hands.
These diamonds shining from your hair,
So silky and sleek on its own,
Make all the other dancers in the room notice
That their snowflakes had melted into raindrops, sparkling much more dimly.
As for myself, I couldn’t tell you how I looked that fateful night-
I was too entranced
By the crystals in your hair.
Poetry
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I adore this poem! Such a gem of writing. A heartfelt poem.
Suggestions:
-Capitalize the “f” in falling, located on the second line, to remain consistent
-Is “sparkling much more dimly” an integral part of the poem? Do these words add clarity? I personally feel the “…melted into raindrops” speaks enough volumes to eliminate the following words.
Hope to read more!
Michelle R.
Thank you so much for the feedback! I can tell you really thought about it and it’s so helpful. <3
Liked the way the snowdrops turn into drops sparkling like gems, beautiful poem.
sorry ..drops of water