"Lazilosis: Simple Mental Disorder, or Deadly Physical Disease?"
Throughout history, laziness has been a cause for great failures. Napoleon: too lazy too grow taller. NASA: only sending humans as far as the moon. The Mayans: only creating a calendar recording up to the year 2012. George Bush: creating only a massive war in Iraq that was totally uncalled for and became totally out of control instead of just attacking Russia with a nuclear bomb and sending America into a quick and unexpected demise.
Nobody questioned these failures, nobody challenged them. And through endless hours of study in the laboratories, the world’s brightest scientists have only one answer for this negligence: Lazilosis.
Derived from the noun laziness, which originated from the subject lazy, that which could be depicted as “the lack of will or motivation to complete a task or commission,” Lazilosis is single-handedly destroying the human, animal, and fungi Kingdoms. Luckily, if diagnosed early enough, and treated properly, this disorder could be maintained as only slightly more threatening than Sleep Apnea.
The Origination:
- When man was first put on this Earth, there was no time for ‘relaxation’. We got up at the crack of dawn, hunted and gathered, ate, found a new location to last the night, slept, and did the same thing the next morning.
- As the human race progressed, they created stable cities, and were no longer considered nomads.
- They had time for art, and board games. Hence the beginning, of laziness.
The Diagnosis
- Everyone has a degree, no matter how small, of Lazilosis inside them.
- Lazilosis is 86% percent preventable.
- This is not routinely checked for by your doctor. If you feel like you should know how drastically Lazilosis is taking over your life, scientists recommend asking your doctor for a typical LAP Scan, or Lazy Acclimated Processing Scan.
- This is a sickness to be feared. If it goes untreated for too long, there is no treatment.
The Stages
- Virtually unavoidable. This is the stage in which everybody goes through at one point in their lives, usually more than once: When a person knows something must be done, but decides it is negligible enough to be ignored.
- These examples could include going back upstairs in the morning to get your good brush when there is a perfectly usable brush right in front of you, or choosing to wear your hair in a certain style that is quicker and easier to put up.
- People really begin to stop caring in this stage. They begin to distinguish what really needs their attention, and what can be put off…permanently. What they choose to ignore, however, is that everything is important. And if they aren’t completing everything they have to, they are creating more time to laze around and accomplish nothing, which creates an opening for the disease to penetrate. It’s like picking a scab on your knee and then pouring salt on it, only less physically painful.
- Lazilosis should be progressing nicely now, and is only about 42% treatable at this point. It has become slightly apparent that a person is not working as hard as they could, or should, for that matter. People have questioned them, even using the word “lazy” to associate their behavior with how they should be acting.
- General responses to these accusations could be “I’m just tired.” “I’ll do it later.” “I’m just taking a break.” “Screw you, there’s no point. Get off my back you wanker.”
- Stage Four- Physically Inclined
- The final stage of the deterioration process, as the highest scholars like to call it. At this point there is a 1 to no percent chance at finding a cure.
- Behavioral traits that most commonly are associated with this stage is being too lazy to get up and walk to the kitchen for food, no desire to shower, the remote being two inches out of your way, but not feeling like sitting up a little to be able to reach it and ending up being forced to sit through four hours of “The Real Housewives of Orange County” reruns.
- Progressing too far into this stage could inevitably lead to death.
The Symptoms
- The action of a person, who is perfectly capable of doing an action themselves, asking for help for things such as standing up, getting the remote, reaching a cabinet, carrying heavy boxes.
- As the expression goes, “Don’t make excuses, just do better.” Those who are in denial tend to make excuses as to why they can’t perform a task because they won’t admit that they have a mental disorder holding them back.
- Examples may include a person needing to go for a jog, but putting it off because they claim that their ankle hurts too much and can’t support their weight. Do not confuse with people who are actually hurt.
- The most dangerous side effect, and also the last one before this disease is completely untreatable.
- Lazilosis is classified as a mental disorder, but as it is also known to be deadly, it does reach a certain point in where it starts to shut down you body. Every muscle in your body should be used everyday for one reason or another. When certain muscles haven’t been used in ages, they begin to lose supremacy and become weaker. For example, if you don’t bend your thumb for a very long period of time (like fourteen minutes), it will be overcome by Lazilosis and will shut down forever. This is when people must think, what if I let the disease overcome me, and it shuts down something like an internal organ?
The Antidotes
- With the proper medicines, Lazilosis could rest inside anyone’s bodies without ever having to be a worry. There are many different types of antidotes, for each different type of people.
- Mundane forms of exercises such as jogging, playing sports, or housecleaning regularly keeps the bacteria of Lazilosis hidden
- Energy bars are good for breaking down clogs of Lazi-ites (the bacteria associated with Lazilosis)
- Energy drinks created a boost of liveliness, but tends to retrogress once the “crash” comes.
- Support. True love, or lust, has always been able to overcome the effects of Lazilosis.
Again, Lazilosis is 86% preventable, but medicine and doctors and prescriptions can only get you so far. You must be willing to create a lifestyle change. Just look at all the obese people in America who apply for reality TV shows to lose weight. They are mostly always dedicated to changing their lives, one pound at a time.
Thank you for educating yourself on this sweeping epidemic, but please now, go out and do something with your lives before you too are overcome with Lazilosis.
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