i wanna write but i don’t want anyone to read it
cause when you’re spilling out your guts you’re still the only one who can feel it
give me in depth details about your hard, hard life
tell me how it feels to go to sleep perfect every night
and i always start to cry
when i’m low and when i’m high
i’ll put my sadness in a bottle
and throw it in the violence of the tide
you can fuck me just not emotionally
anything to help from being lonely
what a drag it must be to be happy
why should i survive if there’s nothing coming after me
i can be bitter, i can be an actress
i don’t understand how i’m still an optimist
i’ll hide my sadness in my room at night
i’ll bury it in the threads of my mattress
Undefined
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This poem, truthfully, stabs in the reader in the gut because it is just that honest and brutal. And still, even though the words are laced with sadness and frustration and hopelessness, it is incredibly relatable because everyone possesses their own dark secrets. We can put forth a facade in public – dress ourselves up into a certain type of character – but at home, by ourselves with nothing but our minds to occupy us, the tides turn. Our insecurities submerge us into their deep depths, and that is precisely what this poem shows: there are some things that are too hard to openly say and exhibit, so we suppress them. We don’t quite deal with it like we should because of that fear of vulnerability.
There are so many amazing sentences within this narrative, so I feel compelled to point them out:
1) Line 2 – “cause when you’re spilling out your guts you’re still the only one who can feel it”: this particular sentence exposes the inefficiency or setback of writing. Although we typically define writing as an outlet for experience, thought, and emotion, there is still a barrier between the writer and the reader. The reader may be able to understand to some degree the message the writer is trying to convey, but it is seldom that the reader completely gets it. And because of that, as the writer is reliving and divulging everything that happened to him or her, the writer is the only one receiving the full impact. So much is told in a mere sentence.
2) Lines 7 and 8 – “i’ll put my sadness in a bottle / and throw it into the violence of the tide”: this sentence is just so beautifully vulnerable and exemplary of what us humans want to do with our emotions. We wish that we could shove all of our feelings into a bottle and toss it out to sea so that the waves can destroy and consume them; therefore, they are gone, out of sight and out of mind. Again, brilliant.
3) Lines 9 and 10 – “you can fuck me just not emotionally / anything to help from being lonely”: this is another sentence that is striking because this is the typical mindset. Nobody wants to be alone, so even if we are not ready to commit ourselves wholly to another person, even if we don’t think we are enough merit for such intimate ties, we search for connection. Loneliness is one of the most common fears of humankind, so we will take anything we can get, regardless of whether the person is right or healthy for us. Breath-taking.
4) Line 16 – “i’ll bury it in the threads of my mattress”: this sentence is the epitome of our society today. We cannot broadcast our woes or our worries because they are inappropriate for an audience. As a result, we take them and conceal them in our bedrooms. When we have a free moment, in the privacy of our domain, we will then take them out and allow ourselves relief from those obscene emotions.
I could point out some grammatical problems with the poem, such as the lack of commas in certain places or the lack of capitalization when it comes to the word “i,” but they do not hinder the reading experience. Plus, I feel like these choices were clearly intentional – that they were stylistic choices in order to make the poem sound more personal as if written in a diary. Moreover, you want to emphasize the fact that the narrator feels defeated. They are not worried about the placement of a comma. They do not want to capitalize the “i” because really, they feel inferior and not worthy enough of referring to themselves with an upper case letter.
Everything in this poem is candid, thoughtful, and clever. Phenomenal, phenomenal work!
A very honest revealation . The critique by is equally great and helps not only in this piece of writing but in general exposes the plight of an author that a reader “seldom ” understands the finer feelings of the author! I like it