Slow your breathing,
It’ll be okay.
Think of blue skies
And sleep.
You’re not bleeding, you’re dreaming.
It’s okay to not always be gay,
Look into my eyes,
And think of sheep.
Hold my hand,
Slow it down.
Don’t pout,
There’s no need to shout.
Your feelings aren’t banned,
Let me kiss your frown.
If you don’t let it out,
Your feelings will sprout.
Smile,
It’s the most beautiful picture.
It’s okay if life isn’t great,
Bend it your image.
Stay around for a while,
Don’t go quicker.
Wait
Just finish.
Paint,
Blacks and red and slices.
Eat,
Until you no longer can.
Don’t hold any restraints,
You’ll just have more prices.
So please, don’t cheat.
Stay here, don’t create a plan.
Stand,
Higher than before.
Be proud,
You’re you.
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I like the message of this poem – I think it is very uplifting. I especially like the first few lines and think it is a strong beginning. However, I feel like as the poem progresses, it gets a bit weaker. Because of the strict rhyme you have chosen, some of the sentences feel oddly worded and break the flow. The most present example of this for me is the “slices/prices” rhyme. Both of those sentences do not make much sense when relating to the rest of the poem. “Slices” is not a word we typically associate with painting, especially when it is alongside a list of colors of paint. Similarly, “please, don’t cheat” is vague and does not fit in to this message of not giving up in life. I would consider using a more relaxed rhyme scheme, perhaps switching some out for slant rhymes, or nixing it altogether. I think you have a good start here and your voice is pretty strong, it just needs some cleaning up. Good job!