Why would I want to feel dead like you
I suspect it every day, my days are more threatening now
since your evil is here to stay.
Does the devil have a plan for you
are you his right hand man, there is now just something
about you that I don’t understand.
I try to hold on to the life you might still have inside
but when I smell the stench of death I know you will be hard to find.
Thank God I’m not dead like you but I feel like I’m getting there
it’s hard to wake, it’s hard to shake the fact
that you’re not there.
The smell of your corpse it lingers with the evil deep inside
I’ll help you with your demons, I’ll help you with your beasts
if you want to try.
Poetry
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I really loved reading your poem! Again, like your last poem it had amazing rhythm to it. I do suggest, however, to change the third stanza. You simple tell the reader that the reader smells death. You should show the reader instead. Use similes or metaphors to describe the smell, instead of just saying the speaker smells death. I also suggest to stray away from 2nd person. The speaker isn’t speaking the the reader and the reader doesn’t know who “you” is.
Keep going! This is a good start.