You know what I hate?
I hate how much life throws “goodbyes” at you.
Whether it be in death, or heart break, we say goodbye far too often.
And no matter how many times we say it,
no matter how much we hear it,
the pain is never any less real as the times before.
The words still cut through us like freshly sharpened knives.
The tears still fall from our eyes,
Our lips still quiver, no matter how much we try to deny.
I hate saying goodbye,
but we all know that if we changed it to “see you later”
it would be a lie…
General
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I adore the picturesque quality of this work. Aside from the fact that it is relatable – I don’t think there is a single person residing on this earth that actually enjoys parting with someone they know and love – there is something that’s almost electrifying about this work as well. Although you did not explicitly explain situations in which people are obligated to say goodbye, based on the details given, the audience is induced to conjure up certain scenarios where the details fit. There is an unspoken visual, and it is up to the reader to decide what exactly that visual is. For instance, the line that says “The words still cut through us like freshly sharpened knives” may result in a reader thinking about a past break-up or a divorce, envisioning their loved one wake out the door with an expression of resignation and finality. The line that says “The tears still fall from our eyes” may cause a reader to think about a wake or funeral, envisioning their loved one in casket, eyes closed and no longer full of life. The line that says “Our lips still quiver, no matter how much we try to deny” may prompt a reader to think about their best friend who moved away, far, far away and entirely out of reach. And finally, I absolutely am in love with the last two lines because it is so true! As much as we would like to never say goodbye again, sometimes it is the only proper way to indicate closure. Seriously, there is a sort of complexity to this work that is astounding as well as emotional. Bravo, my friend!
If there’s any bit of advice that I can offer you (and this is kind of reaching because I honestly think that this work is flawless), it would be to be aware of your commas. At some points, either you added a comma that was not necessary or did not include a comma where it was. I will specify the ones that I found:
1) “Whether it be in death, or heart break,…”: You do not need the comma after the word “death” because you did not offer a list of three or more items. In this case, saying “Whether it be in death or heart break” would suffice.
2) “…if we changed it to “see you later”: Add a comma after the word “later,” for this combination of words is an introductory phrase.
Besides for that, I believe that this work is very effective, and I applaud you!