So lost
so gone
I had you but
then you left
me all Alone
I’m at a lake throwing stones
in the water
thinking about where did I go wrong
in the background I hear our favorite song
I tried to get you back
you claimed loving me was wrong
I’m too different
yet I am someone
who doesn’t belong
Poetry
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I am a big fan of the combination of explicit imagery and sensational word choice in this poem, for it makes the whole reading experience more fulfilling and inclusive. In other words, the scene matches with the emotion being represented, so it is really easy for the reader to get swept up in the poem’s dynamic and purpose. For example, when the narrator says “I’m at a lake throwing stones / in the water,” followed by the contemplative phrase “thinking about where did I go wrong,” because the action synchronizes so well with the narrator’s negative state of mind, it ameliorates the endeavor of understanding. After painting this picture, the reader could step into the shoes of the narrator with no problem and comprehend his or her honest intention. Really, what I am trying to say is that this poem is effective because of the way you adorned the feelings with scenarios: by depicting a situation in which naturally gives off a certain impression or mood, the reader can then get a fuller grasp of the poem’s overall message – that the narrator feels lonely and weak and like an outsider. Well done!
However, I do have a suggestion for you. While reading this poem, I felt that some of the line cut-offs were awkward and ill-timed. Based on the general structure, I would determine that your goal was to organize the scheme of the poem in a way that separated the lines by means of (relatively) independent phrases. For instance, in the last three lines of the poem, you wrote: “I’m too different / yet I am someone / who doesn’t belong.” Here, I believe that you divided these lines in a manner that is fluent, simple to comprehend and most importantly captivating because individually, the lines are either independent clauses or phrases that go well together. That being said, I recommend that you go back, re-read this poem aloud, and revise where you cut off some of the lines to make more cooperative. To illustrate what I mean precisely, you may want to amend lines 6 through 8 to something along the lines of this:
“I’m at a lake
throwing stones
in the water
thinking about
where did I go wrong”
While it appears that I pieced the lines quite a bit, the segments make sense because they are phrases that link together well: either they are independent clauses or describe an action, a location or a question; thus, they can be easily understood.
Again, this is just a suggestion, but I personally believe that such revisions to the structure of the poem would help simplify the task of reading it. Overall, this poem was an absolute pleasure to read, full of visual stimulation and raw emotion!