Today anxiety ran through my veins and filled my core. Each pulsation rushed anxiety through my body. Running was no longer an option. Days have passed where I try to outrun it, feeling like I am about to explode. My soul wants to be ripped out of my body to escape the sensation that I am going a million an hour with a paralyzed body.
Not today. No amount of treadmills or bikes could outrun this sensation today. So, today I decided to run from home. No bags packed, no note left behind, just me and you. Today was a day to pretend. Pretend everything was alright. Pretend everything was normal. Just for a few hours, I wanted to pretend my life was as it should be. I was dreading going back home, where my life, our future no longer existed as I had planned. The drive home was long and dreadful. I knew as soon as I walked in the door there was no more pretending. Unfortunately, as wonderful as our old routine was, we are no longer in our past. We are in the present, that merges into a future I never imagine. A future with two homes, two jobs, and other partners. This future causes me to panic. This future separated is what I have been avoiding time and time again. This future can no longer be avoided.
This future is now our present.
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The future is a scary thing. I know how that feels too. But as long as we breath in and out and most importantly: Take one step at a time. I enjoyed reading it.
“We are in the present, that merges into a future I never imagine. A future with two homes, two jobs, and other partners. This future causes me to panic. This future separated is what I have been avoiding time and time again. This future can no longer be avoided.
This future is now our present.”
True Future is a phase of flowing time “that waits for none” to quote Tennyson, in his “The Brook”. Well brought out, the anxiety in the charector is vividly described with good brevity. I like it