I’m a sucker for lies….
voices surrounding me like a river, pushing me down….pulling me up.
whispering empty words, like “i’m enough,” “i’m beautiful the way i am”.
but i know it won’t last, this feeling of self-acceptance comes and goes in a heart beat.
In the longevity of things, i’ll continue to chase after a make-believe feeling….. a make-believe being…..a make-believe dream.
It’ll never end, that’s just the way i’m trained to think.
The truth is…. there is no lasting feeling. All emotions come and go like the changing of seasons.
How can i possibly expect to stay in a moment forever…. that’s not life. But even when i try to be present in this time, i get sucked in the dark. It’s a scary place to be, for the very reason being, that i don’t even realize when i’m in a dark place.
I get cooped up in the facade of my appearance.
Inside i’m a sum of broken pieces , all taped up and holding on to dear life.
But, i know it’s coming….one can only stall the truth for a while. In the end everything comes falling out. like a volcano, it’s explodes and all that you ‘were’ comes crashing down. That mask rips open and the ugly comes gushing out.
You’re left naked, bear……vulnerable. At this point… All that “i” am is left in a form of a question mark, i slowly look upon the sky and seek refuge in the One who knows all, the Divine Healer… the protector…the Almighty Allah.