Water crashes.
Rumbles and echoes on the rocks.
Cool mist fills the air.
Above, a river falls off a cliff,
while below, it falls off another.
A bridge beneath my feet.
Green plants.
People taking pictures.
A wooden lodge for dining,
with a gift shop.
The hum of a freeway.
A river with barges.
The sound of a train.
The wild meets man,
at the waterfall.
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Short, blunt lines but a bold image is created nonetheless. I can’t help but enjoy how you created such a detailed movie clip without a camera. Reading this is the equivalent to clean eating to someone with a palette preference for veggies.
Suggestion:
-The plural of “barge” is barges.
Many kudos. Keep posting!
Michelle R.
Thank you for the great feedback! And for catching the typo. I’m very glad that you enjoyed it!
I really enjoyed reading this piece. It is a very well-written poem. The details you used helped me to envision the waterfall area. I felt like I was there while I was reading this piece. This is an excellent skill to have. I like that your lines got shorter as you neared the end of the poem. This is an interesting way to create closure for your readers.
Thanks for the great feedback! I’m glad that there were so many aspects of it that you liked. It’s one of my more proud pieces. Thank you! 🙂
This is my style.
I love it.