my feelings for you
my feelings for you
are real. I will be loving
you until the day I die.
I can’t explain how I
feel because this is
how true love really
feels. I love you with
my heart and soul.
I hope we can say
this is forever. this
is how I truly feel.
about my feelings
for you.
Poetry
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This poem is absolutely adorable! It is so just innocent and vulnerable. You can tell straightaway that the narrator is very new to love. Moreover, it is discernible that, as he or she is swept away by these powerful emotions, he or she is also incredibly uncertain about the whole situation. They are positive that they are in love and their feelings are ceaseless – “I will be loving you until the day I die” – but they also are in need of reassurance. “I hope we can say this forever,” they say, revealing the unpredictability of their relationship. All in all, I love the picture that is painted through this poem: a person who is consumed by passion, wanting nothing but for the feeling to last forever; he or she is timid about the future, but nevertheless, praying that these feelings survive the long haul. Beautiful!
My only criticism is in regards to the structure of the poem. I don’t quite understand why you stopped specific phrases at certain parts. As far as I can tell, it was to keep the lines at a similar span of length. However, I consider some of the cut-offs awkward. For instance, for lines 3 and 4, you say, “I will be loving / you until the day I die”: personally, I find this abrupt slice to be strange since the phrase would typically be “I will be loving you.” You want to make sure that the audience knows who the recipient of the active verb – “loving” – is. Another bunch of lines that I deemed the cut-off ill-fitting is lines 5 through 8. Once again, you are separating the subjects and/or recipients from the active verb, which makes the reading experience a tad disconcerting. In order to make the lines more level, I advise revising these lines to something along the lines of this:
“I can’t explain
how I feel
because this is how
true love really feels.”
Here, I slice the lines so that the phrases are more familiar and flow nicely off the tongue. Thus, my suggestion for you is to go back and re-read this poem aloud. As you do this, figure out which words synchronize well together and construct phrases that not only are easy to say but also to comprehend. That way, the task of reading is ameliorated, and the poem in general will have a more elegant, fanciful tone.