She looks out the window
It’s raining thoughts are running
Through her mine she’s going
Crazy she’s getting haywire
She thinks day by day
Is any of this really worth it
She looks and thinks about all her
Bad memories it is a shame
she thinks in her head when
Will it be my turn to be happy ?
And she thinks again and says never
She is apprehensive right now
Because something is telling her
To go through with it another saying don’t
The devil is telling her end it you will be happy with me
It doesn’t take long to do this
While the angel is saying don’t do it
your time will come
Soon so just live your life things will get better she questions
The lord about death
She wonders if the reason why you
Go to hell for suicide is because
Your taking your life away before God can do his task to do so
She’s sitting there with the bottle
And the rope hanging over
The tub and says is this my last night
Ever seeing the beach ever traveling
Working possibly making any success
Is this my last time telling someone
I love them is this my last goodbye
A few minutes go by and she’s knocked out
Poetry
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There’s a bit of ambiguity regarding the ending. Did she knock out from drinking too much? Did she choose to devastatingly end her own life? This unanswered question lets the reader decide her fate.
Suggestions:
1. Remain consistent with capitalization in the beginning of each line. Either have every line be capitalized or maintain current sentence rules. (I.E. Only the first word of a sentence, not a line, remains capitalized.)
2. I feel punctuation or extra line breaks would make this poem easier for the reader to read. Of course, the current jagged “flow” attributes to the confusion the protagonist is dealing with.
There’s always help. Family members, teachers, counselors, strangers are all willing to lend an ear. If anyone feels helpless, please reach out. We’re human. We’re all here for each other.
With much love,
Michelle
May I tell you something?
Thank you so much I found this poem a few days ago I wrote it when I was 17 but it does need improvement at age 17 and now being age 21 I feel my writing grew overtime I just wanted to still post this piece because I found it interesting and it shows me I came a long way I also written a part two to it a few years ago